Don't be like these cats

My mother taught me that if you "can't say anything nice then say nothing at all". She had a lot of adages she lived by. Another was "It's not a mistake if you can cover it up" in reference to my imperfections. She said this often, "If tomorrow doesn't come, we don't have to worry about it".  I immediately worried if a tomorrow would come.

She had many sayings she lived by.  I have to believe those phrases were picked up along the way as she just did life as a mom. Isn't that how we all learn? Along the way as we make attempts, mistakes, tries?

Our lives are like layers, living one day at a time, walking to the beat of a heavenly drum.

You've heard that "oil and water don't mix." I remember feeling like a misfit most days in my family, so many misunderstood conversations. I suppose that's typical in all families to feel like a "square peg in a round hole". I was different, odd, a little left out and always picked on. I guess you could call me the "runt of the litter." I never measured up. So what happens to us that makes us want or feel the need to compare and criticize with those around us? Do we learn this ourselves, from our parents, our employers or do we just pick it up through osmosis from life as we "learn the ropes"?

As we get older we believe what our past has said about us or how our past has shaped our thoughts. Whatever the reason for our failures, either because of someone else or by our own bad choices in life, the hurt is buried.  I had to dig deep to stop this behavior in me, of letting my past pursue me because it's not in my best interest to be criticized and compared.  It led me to a place of low self-esteem.

Why do we do this? We seek perfectionism but it's in the wrong places. We must consider who we are looking to for our source of approval.

God doesn't compare or criticize His children. He is the One who holds the holy yardstick.

When are we ever going to learn that words can encourage or become life-long weapons against us? They can give life or speak death. They can inspire and aspire. Words are powerful. They can fill us or deflate.  Even the words we choose to say to ourselves.  Words can crush and rush the worst of humanity in a few thoughtless and most certainly careless conversations.

God placed us in the lives of others to build them up, not tear them down or try to dominate over each other. He certainly never intended for His love to be twisted in such a way that we hurt our own brothers and sisters in Christ and leave them for dead in the pew.

One thing to remember...hurt people hurt people. So how do you stop negativity from becoming a cancer in your life?

I will never find the perfect approval that my soul craves from an imperfect source. My self-esteem was bitten by the "disease to please". (Lysa TerKeurst)  If it weren't for praying this verse over my life I would still be stuck there.  ..."Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting." Ps. 139:23-24

Has your perfectionism caused you to put on the facade of cattiness, gossiping, whining, sarcasm, martyrdom, cynicism, snide remarks, realism or feeling left wounded? Isn't it awful that the pursuit of perfection gets us to a place that uses our morphed imperfections for such word ugliness?  

"Unfortunately, there are people who criticize, chastise and ridicule others for their work, efforts and accomplishments.  They are like cats ready to pounce.  Their own insecurities are their trigger."  Bryan Hutchinson.  (Shared from his eBook "Good Enough:Stop Seeking Perfection and Approval")

Don't be like these cats.  Perfectionism only breeds discontentment and births an insatiable hunger for man's approval.  

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.  Small people do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can somehow become great." ~ Mark Twain.

God didn't create us to be perfect. There was only Jesus for that.  God wants us to be holy, set apart for Him.   Our treatment of others and of ourselves has to change to conform to God's pattern of holiness.

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of it's Creator." Colossians 3:2, 5, 8 - 10

I love the way the writer encourages us to clean up our lips. This is God telling us that any comparison, criticism, or careless words towards ourselves or others said out of malice, jealousy, anger, pride, false humility or any other reason except for pure love, is wrong.

Maybe you have been searching for validation, approval, and acceptance. You won't find it in where you have been looking. Nor will you hear it from the life adages you grew up with. You will only find it in the Perfect Source, our Creator, who encourages us to live holy lives.

Everything God says to us is His love shown to us.

Look for the love that is spoken over you in God's word. Remind yourself to stop this negative behavior. When you compare or criticize you are discounting the work that God is doing in you.  That's not love...that's idol noise.  God sings over us with His mercy.

Where have you been looking for approval?

Grace therapy

There's a friend in my life who just gives me a lot of grief with the comparisons she always gives. 

I try my best but still she points out that something is wrong. Her words echo… "Not good enough."

I could dress my best and she will whisper, "Nice, but not as nice as hers."

I mess up and let my clumsy words tumble out and she says, “well, that hurt, I could have said it better!”

The list of unwholesome negatives goes on and on.

Who is this girl?  If you and I were friends with her, wouldn't we want to put a stop to that relationship?  Let's be honest about her...some days she lives a little on the snarky side.

And when I part company with her, I am the one who comes away feeling like I will never measure up.  Day after day of spending time with that "friend", well it can wear a friendship out.  

Want in a little secret? ...yeah…you guessed it….. that "friend" is me, my negative self-talker friend.

Am I the only one who is at the back of this line for a little grace?

Ashamedly I have had these conversations with myself all too often. 

Those around me say, "Give yourself a little grace." Yep, sounds good, but it’s hard to do. I think what they really mean is that "please just give yourself some slack and don’t be so hard on yourself". And that maybe true, but I don’t really think that is God’s answer. Only God is the Grace giver.  And only His truth can combat this daily battle.

Is it about giving ourselves grace or is it really about receiving grace from God?

Grace says, "Yes, you messed up. But I forgive you.”

Grace says, “Yes, you have lost weight, but I loved you 50 lbs ago. I am still bringing you into my perfect beauty.”

Grace says, “When you bow to others to approve you then you don’t make room in your heart to live from MY approval.”

Grace says, “Even though I know you are kind of a mess sometimes, I give you my Fullness generously.”

God’s.Grace.Matters. God’s grace changes us.

So where in the Bible does it tell me to give myself a little slack?

Ephesians 4:29  "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

God's words to me:  "My child, every time you compare yourself to the next whatever and you come away putting yourself down, that is unwholesome.  I know each time that slips out of your mouth, I know each time you allow that to slip into your heart, and each time it bounces around in your mind.  And when you do that you are telling Me that I am not enough.  Let me remind you....I AM."

You see Grace is just that, a gift that we need daily.  God's grace therapy is needed like a bottle of spilled pills to medicate our lives, each time we are tempted to put ourselves down or when we whisper criticism in our heads.  When snarky falls on our hearts we need to know that we have to get back up to receive God’s grace therapy.  When this broken record keeps playing in our minds, we need to apply wholesome truth to ourselves.  

I am still loved, chosen, cherished by the King. I'm going to get back up and stand firm for Him again by guarding wholesomeness in my mind, body, and soul.  

Only God's grace can change. 

Only grace can quiet the voice within us that pushes us toward wipe-out.

Only grace can reclaim us so that it sustains us. 

Only God's can gracefully return us to where we belong again.  

Only Grace brings us wholeness in Him.

Only God's wholesome grace can benefit.

Only God’s grace therapy tells me the truth about who I am.

It's time to still our hearts, to quiet ourselves and instead listen to grace.  Wholesome Grace Therapy.

Shhhhh….Listen...Do you hear it?

If We Had Coffee Today...

If we were having coffee today, here's what I would tell you...

Someone loves you.

Not just by those people around you.  But by a Awesome Someone, who knows you well.  

With the breath of Heaven, there is One who thought of you today, and said "you're good".  In His very first exhales...an image was created.  A special, unique and vibrant life.  A Creator's creation.   You. 

You might say these are fancy words...

But know this...God is for you.  Even if it doesn't feel like it.

Because you are loved by a perfectly wonderful and holy Craftsman, that means its only His love that satisfies.  We look for that fulfilling love in many of the wrong places.  We so easily give our fragile hearts to things that don't love us back.  We lend our hearts to things that don't matter.  We often consume ourselves with the quest of finding satisfaction that we forget to guard what was so innocently created.  

Pouring you another cup...

Stop looking for a love in stuff when that stuff can't love you back.  Don't be consumed by your quest to give your love away at first temptation.  Protect the purity that God has blended into your being.  

You are loved by a God who knows how you struggle with your self-approval and worth.  God sees you with His worthy eyes.  So don't live for God's approval but from His approval.  I heard that in church Sunday and it is still dancing around my thoughts.  That's love in it most beautiful form.  His holy death gives you a life of love.  

Yearn for His holiness not that false sense of approval from people.   

He is dying for you to know Him and love Him like He loves you. 

I will always find what I really need in the One who will never leave me wanting.  

You want to be loved.  I want to be loved.  We all do.  

I love you enough to tell you that you ARE loved by God...just believe it, you don't need to understand why or how.  His love goes beyond our clumsy sin-filled hurting hearts.     

God's love remains.  Even when we don't.  It's the only love that does.

Romans 5:8  "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:  While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Let this love dwell in your heart and dwell on it.  God.Loves.You.  Don't harden your heart to His love.  

Ready to believe it now?    More coffee please...