What I wish I could say to every teenage girl

Peeling back the layers

This past year has been full of a lot of changes for me. This picture is very reflective of my heart changing process.  There has been some great spiritual changes, and some long time coming.  

My pastor says that "we may impress people with our strengths, but we connect emotionally with our weakness."  So get ready for some real transparency...

Here goes...

God's changes have been a very hard, difficult process, but worth it all.  

I am making some new changes that result in a new me.  In the discovery of God's best, I am realizing who I am in Christ but also who I am not. 

My journey is well on it's way of seeing myself as Christ sees me and discovering that my identity completely rests on His opinion of me. 

Will we ever get His full picture of ourselves?  Yes, one day we will have the full view of what God sees.  

But until then...

For years, I have not thought of myself as valuable, important, or pretty. Instead I have let the lie of the unlovable, the overweight, the imperfect, the you-will-never-fit-in-because-you-are-fat-lie to affect me. I've always measured myself up against others, or have tried to compare myself to those who are better at everything over me.  Better at everything in life, especially better at being thin.

I never accepted me as the way that God has made me.  But that is changing as God has defined my character as "made in His image."  

Now daily, I am only living from His approval and that allows my perspective to change and see His beauty.

So I guess you could say that I gave myself permission to like me.  That's part of this healing process.  God sees me as His child who was created to be like Himself.

What part of a Holy God would I not want to here?  Ahem...all of it.  

Lately God has been pounding this into my heart..."You are wanted by a Holy God."

The hurting parts of me wants to bounce that like a pin ball hitting the bumpers, setting off alarms, lights flashing, with all bells singing. Years and years of hardness and hurts need to be softened.  It's like a party gone bad in the middle of Chuckee Cheese.

So my challenge is to rethink my thinking about God's opinion of me. He sees beauty, He sees me with grace and mercy, He sees me with His perfect Love.   He sees me as an work of His own hands.  He has given me the Holy Spirit to live inside of me to heal the wounds and scars that run so deep.

As I align my heart with His Word, I know am his daughter.  

Psalm 139: 13-14 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

As I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I am understanding God's planned grace on my behalf.  So when the world tries to give me a perfect beauty message, I know that I don't have to measure up to it's standards.

I only need to measure my heart to God's and let His holy touch perfect and measure.   This world compares me to the latest, the skinniest, the faces with the fullest lips, and perfect cheek bones. Man compares and shows me my failures and short comings, and puts unrealistic expectations in front of our crushed self-images.

The lies of the world can cut my wounded heart to pieces. 

I know deep down my face will never be on their tempting covers that they try to sell.  It's a false statement as they try to reflect true beauty to the masses. The world's picture of beauty leaves me feeling empty, worthless, and walking away with the fact I will never be good enough.  It leaves me discontent with what God has blessed me with.

The world says to be this way or that weight, to always strive for a better look or appearance. The mirror has reflected these lies so many times and I have swallowed them for years. So much so that I have a large cavity of hurt that needs repair.  

I know I am not perfect, nor will I ever measure up.  That doesn't matter anymore.

Ephesians 5:1  "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children..."
 
In this becoming transformation, I want to see and understand why a Holy God would want me. His word says I am His beloved. Knowing that He loves me just the way I am is good and enough.  Knowing that I am His forgiven daughter is way enough. The full understanding of this truth is sinking into my hurts and healing my identity. 

It's not based on my worth, this truth is based on God's character. 

In my discovery of finding my true beauty, I realize I am not the lot of lies that I have swallowed about myself.

I am not ugly.  
I am not fat.  
I am not you and now don't want to be.  
I am God's, a daughter who is wanted by a Holy God.

Is this new attitude becoming?  God thinks so.  He created my beauty for His pleasure. I will never be good enough to be wanted except through the eyes of Jesus. 

Grace filters and covers my beautiful becoming.

Let that sink in a moment or for a while.  Grace...from a Holy God changes us.

His grace becomes my beautiful. I am wanted by a Holy God because of His beauty that becomes my identity.  My identity is  based on the grace given by Jesus.

My heart is becoming more accustomed to Grace. 

Dear God, please touch my painful places to reveal your beauty, help me to understand your grace-filled view of little me. There are a lot of raw places still yet to become whole. Bring your fullness to my hurts and heal them with your Holiness.

What are you overcoming to become?

The Real of Duck Dynasty

The Real Men of Duck Dynasty

If you keep up with me on Twitter or Facebook you have seen a lot of posts about Duck Dynasty.  It's a reality TV show about a rags to riches family who have made it big in the duck hunting industry with a patented duck call.  I like this show for now.


It's not because they are rich or that they have, as Brent McCoy would say, awesome beards.  It's not because they are entrepreneurs and benevolent.  It's because they are real.  And they are living out their Christian life in public.  I know they are getting paid for it.  But have you seen how Miss Kay loves from her kitchen?  Phil, the drake of the family, is very traditional and holds relationships high.  This family is the real deal.    


God has really been speaking to me in this area of my life and I feel like it's time to get real with you.


No...I am not going to grow an awesome beard.  That would be inappropriate and ungodly as a lady.  Confession:  I don't like to expose my fragility to you.  That is an awkward place for me.


My inadequacies remind me that I don't have it all together.  That I am not perfect, even though I strive to be.  I have realized that I can't be.   It's impossible.  Too often as Christians we like to have all the answers.  Let me tell you...I don't.  I have tucked my pristine red super hero cape away in it's clean white box for now.  I don't need to know all the answers nor will I ever know them.    


My honesty exposes some ugly things in my heart and that is something I  don't want you to see.  I care about God's opinion the most, and guess what...He already knows about the ugliness.  I understand that he can handle our honest prayers.  He knows our thoughts before we think them.  He knows the dusty places in our hearts and the cobwebs in our brains.  He knows the evil things we think when we fly off the handle and react inappropriately.  He knows.


So in my being real, in my gut-level honesty, please don't step on my heart.  that is what I fear from you.  My purpose is not to say that I am better than you or have figured all this faith stuff out.  No, I just want to take you along on this movement of God in my life.  I am trusting God as He has already called me in spite of my created weaknesses. He made my heart broken.  He knows it breaks easily so I can trust Him for each and every piece, for all of them, as they fall.  And I now understand that in my brokenness, that is where He shines the most.  This is His Grace in my best.    

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ~ Corinthians 12:9

The Sisterhood of The Pink Pants

My Pink Pant Sisterhood

Everybody needs a good friend...or two.   
God brings friends in our path to help us along our journeys.  We need each other!  

It was a cold day.  I stomped up the stairs disgusted with myself because I was late.

She greeted me with a smile and a bowl of homemade stew.  It was comfortable here.
We sat...we ate...she listened as my heart spewed.  She caught every word.

I can't get past that she cares so much.    She has been steadfast and unwavering in helping me discover my dreams.  Even though we haven't spoken of it...she is committed.

That's what pink-pants do..
listen and encourage.  


She cultivates growth.

In her pink pants, she tells me it's safe to let others inside.  The Enemy speaks of fear.  I fear judgment and scrutiny.  
I fear when I leave the door of my heart open.

I fear you will hate the ugly parts.

I fear your gaze.

"Be you" she says.  I don't have anything special to say, but God does.

Can we do life together?  Will you listen to my stories?  Do you care that much?

I have a fear of writing the end of this story.  She reminds me that all of the stories in the Bible are of people on the move.  There is God's movement in my heart and that makes me want to share with you.

She has tucked the fleece away for safe keeping.  No more questions.  
No more sowing seeds of mistrust.  

In the pink-pants circle of safeness I confess my fears.  She couches Truth to empower my thoughts.  She pages through my thoughts and 

doesn't wince.

Her pink pants boast hearts that are splattered and scattered.  Just like my many heart pieces.  She is like family.  We have a heart connection that goes deep.  Her heart-splattered-pink pants speak of softness and embrace my emotions.  She understands my deep feelings as they are tucked inside her confidentiality.

I bare my soul and she doesn't shudder.  She patiently listens in her pink pants and adds her well timed wisdom.  She interjects her thoughts and weaves them into mine.  She brings perspective to a view that is clouded.  She helps bring clarity.

The pink patterned pants were a comfort pick.  She loves my heart for what it is.  Her words of encouragement and constructive criticism are always welcome.

I am forever grateful as I bounce words off of the pink pants wonder...she lets my harsh words fall off.  There's no room for the negative.

 She won't destroy purpose.  She shields and protects me from myself.  She inspires.

We are moving on this together, women on the move….tucked into God's heart as 
we bare ours with each other.

I am grateful for my pink pants-God-loving sista'.

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.  Proverbs 17:17

Who's your go-to person you trust?