There was a day I thought I could mess this up

The process our growing faith is God's delight for His children.

In Philippians 2: 12-13, Paul writes:  "Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. (NLT)

The last year has been a time of transition for me as I moved from my day job to my dreams.  One thing I didn't want to do is get ahead of God or mess up His plan for me.  Like I thought I could mess up His plans (uncontrollable laughter here).  I had to trust in what I didn't know or couldn't see at the time and instead of relying my own strength or try to make sense first.  

Stepping out to find out what God has for you is one of the most challenging things we do as His children.  We are the ones who make it harder than it should be.  We really need to rest more on His capable plans and trust that He is always working for us to benefit our faith and to bear His fruit in our daily lives.    

His grace has has really held me to believing that I can do what He has asked me to do as long as I keep seeking Him in this faith journey.  I also believe that this blog is like a spiritual bandaid.

Doing this process brings healing in many ways.  Research from the University of Texas  states that the art of writing allows people to take a step back and take inventory of their lives. Instead of obsessing unhealthily over an event, some write or journal their thoughts, therefore allowing their focus to move on or forward instead of dwelling on stress, conflict or a traumatic event.

My emotions are processed better on paper and before God.  For me it's the way I apply God's truth to study me and helps me be a doer of the Word, not just a hearer.  My stress levels go down and my spiritual health correspondingly goes up.  

God's biggest desire for us is to bring His wholeness and fullness to our lives.   By seeking God in writing this blog it brings my heart to a place of stepping back to see how God is working out my faith, but also brings a ton of spiritual healing that results in His fullness and wholeness that is added to my life.

I couldn't get that on my own, but only through the work of the Holy Spirit bearing His fruit in me.  You can't mess up God's plans for you, but you can resist His best for you.  Submitting to God, or agreeing that He knows best is always the best way to live.  

God cares as much about our living out of His grace as much as our beginning of faith.  He cares about what He gives his grace to.  It's another reminder that I don't have to figure this grace thing on my own, that He is bearing fruit that only He can give and His grace keeps us from messing up what He already has figured out.  

It all boils down to the attitude of the heart and how we position ourselves before the Father. His grace paves the way, holds us steady and unwavering, and holds us close to protect us along the way.  

I love knowing that grace is something we don’t have to earn, and a gift we can’t lose - even when we blow it.” -Renee Swope, Proverbs 31 Ministries.  I would like to add my own little thought to this great wisdom...a gift we can't lose even when we need more faith to believe.    

How has God surprised you with His grace?

When you don't know what to do

When life is puzzling and we don't know what to do
Photo credit:  Cindee Snider Re

I may have made this look way easier than it seems.  Perhaps I have mislead you.

Stepping out on faith should be easy, but rarely ever is.  Our minds get in the way of our hearts.  I wonder if the Bible greats like Noah, Moses, David, Paul, the many major and minor prophets, went through the same logical thought processes.

I would like to think so.  They made it look easy.

I have to wonder in my heart, with all of my girl logic, if they too struggled a bit.

Don't we want to know what to do next?  Don't we all have an innate need for information?  Do you pray for divine understanding and wisdom?

We are curious by nature.  And it's our very human nature of seeking, wondering, dreaming...that possibly gets us into conflicts between our hearts and minds.

It's the simple human conundrum I like to call it.  The depravity of humanity.  Okay, that might be a bit drastic to put my own understanding about life on a global scale of the world's deepest pondering of all time.

When making big decisions, we pray, we ask others to pray, we seek God's wisdom, we read, we research, we make those comprehensive pros vs. cons list, we discuss and discuss again, we gather as much information as possible to bring all the facts and figures together to make the most sound decision our brains can possibly make.

And then ...I pray some more.

I have a tendency to overcompensate in the prayer department.  Most times I don't think I have the brain power to actually sort through any big decision that might be facing me at any given time.  So I quickly pass it off to God and the Holy Spirit take control of my perfect prayer needs, to be said by the only Perfect voice, to receive His perfect answer.  I also let Jesus comfort me in my waiting.

At least this is how I do it until God shows me a better way.

When we have those big hurdles, struggles, battles, decisions, whatever comes across our daily screens of life, prayer should be the foundation in which you start your holy conversations with God.

It should be.  For me I don't leave it there.  I have to write down what I hear.  I have to record my thoughts and then pray through those.  I have to let my thoughts pass through God's filter of perfect understanding.

How do you do it?

Whatever your process, it's just that.... yours.  Use it.  Pray it.  Obey it.

It's a process to lay out what's on our heart and mind before God to seek His best answers, solutions, and direction.  Have you ever thought how God allows His heart and mind to be approachable?  This gives us an incredible and an awesome opportunity to have moment by moment conversations with the Controller of the Universe, about your world, in your daily life, to the One who is working FOR you not against you.

I will always run to the Source of all Knowledge.

But there are times when we make it way harder than it needs to be.

"I know what the answer is, it's really very simple."  Have you ever caught yourself saying that?

I have.  The reality is that you understand.  What you know about God so far is really quite mind blowing when it comes to discerning what decisions need to be made.

It comes down to one simple thing to do when you don't know what to do.

Obey God.

Simply put, isn't that what most decisions should be based on?

Obedience.

When I find myself in the constant decision making process, in all actuality, I shouldn't allow my logic to wonder.  I should be applying the truth I find in God's Holy Word, the wisdom expressed by our Holy Creator, to my current situation.

Once I do that, my load becomes lighter, less cumbersome, less weighty.  When I take my logic out of the equation it leaves more room for His truth and love to come into my examination list, those endless pros and con lists.

It becomes simple at that point.  Most days.

Oh our humanity, when we let our own understanding hinder our obedience.

Seeking God and turning the decision over to the Holy Spirit to pray for perfect peace will not only be my course of action for those life threatening diagnosis delivered, major career moves, or about other "big-gun" requests. Finding God's wisdom padded with His perfect peace should be the first and only thing we do when setting out to understand when we don't know what to do.

God will tell  you what you should do when you ask Him what you should do.  Will you listen to when He tells you what to do?

That's another part of this knowing part...isn't it?  We should listen to what God's answers are.  Is it more that we don't want to hear God's voice in the middle of our logic?

Ask.Seek.Listen.

Things become perfectly clear when you ask the Perfect to speak to your heart.  When you get the answers then let Perfect speak to your understanding.  Then....act on what you know and believe.

Do what you know is simple and pleasing to God.

Obey.  Let this authentic melody float in your heart.  Perfect Peace comes...

"Trust and obey for there is no other way to be happy in Jesus, than to trust and obey."

What I wish I could say to every teenage girl

Peeling back the layers

This past year has been full of a lot of changes for me. This picture is very reflective of my heart changing process.  There has been some great spiritual changes, and some long time coming.  

My pastor says that "we may impress people with our strengths, but we connect emotionally with our weakness."  So get ready for some real transparency...

Here goes...

God's changes have been a very hard, difficult process, but worth it all.  

I am making some new changes that result in a new me.  In the discovery of God's best, I am realizing who I am in Christ but also who I am not. 

My journey is well on it's way of seeing myself as Christ sees me and discovering that my identity completely rests on His opinion of me. 

Will we ever get His full picture of ourselves?  Yes, one day we will have the full view of what God sees.  

But until then...

For years, I have not thought of myself as valuable, important, or pretty. Instead I have let the lie of the unlovable, the overweight, the imperfect, the you-will-never-fit-in-because-you-are-fat-lie to affect me. I've always measured myself up against others, or have tried to compare myself to those who are better at everything over me.  Better at everything in life, especially better at being thin.

I never accepted me as the way that God has made me.  But that is changing as God has defined my character as "made in His image."  

Now daily, I am only living from His approval and that allows my perspective to change and see His beauty.

So I guess you could say that I gave myself permission to like me.  That's part of this healing process.  God sees me as His child who was created to be like Himself.

What part of a Holy God would I not want to here?  Ahem...all of it.  

Lately God has been pounding this into my heart..."You are wanted by a Holy God."

The hurting parts of me wants to bounce that like a pin ball hitting the bumpers, setting off alarms, lights flashing, with all bells singing. Years and years of hardness and hurts need to be softened.  It's like a party gone bad in the middle of Chuckee Cheese.

So my challenge is to rethink my thinking about God's opinion of me. He sees beauty, He sees me with grace and mercy, He sees me with His perfect Love.   He sees me as an work of His own hands.  He has given me the Holy Spirit to live inside of me to heal the wounds and scars that run so deep.

As I align my heart with His Word, I know am his daughter.  

Psalm 139: 13-14 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

As I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I am understanding God's planned grace on my behalf.  So when the world tries to give me a perfect beauty message, I know that I don't have to measure up to it's standards.

I only need to measure my heart to God's and let His holy touch perfect and measure.   This world compares me to the latest, the skinniest, the faces with the fullest lips, and perfect cheek bones. Man compares and shows me my failures and short comings, and puts unrealistic expectations in front of our crushed self-images.

The lies of the world can cut my wounded heart to pieces. 

I know deep down my face will never be on their tempting covers that they try to sell.  It's a false statement as they try to reflect true beauty to the masses. The world's picture of beauty leaves me feeling empty, worthless, and walking away with the fact I will never be good enough.  It leaves me discontent with what God has blessed me with.

The world says to be this way or that weight, to always strive for a better look or appearance. The mirror has reflected these lies so many times and I have swallowed them for years. So much so that I have a large cavity of hurt that needs repair.  

I know I am not perfect, nor will I ever measure up.  That doesn't matter anymore.

Ephesians 5:1  "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children..."
 
In this becoming transformation, I want to see and understand why a Holy God would want me. His word says I am His beloved. Knowing that He loves me just the way I am is good and enough.  Knowing that I am His forgiven daughter is way enough. The full understanding of this truth is sinking into my hurts and healing my identity. 

It's not based on my worth, this truth is based on God's character. 

In my discovery of finding my true beauty, I realize I am not the lot of lies that I have swallowed about myself.

I am not ugly.  
I am not fat.  
I am not you and now don't want to be.  
I am God's, a daughter who is wanted by a Holy God.

Is this new attitude becoming?  God thinks so.  He created my beauty for His pleasure. I will never be good enough to be wanted except through the eyes of Jesus. 

Grace filters and covers my beautiful becoming.

Let that sink in a moment or for a while.  Grace...from a Holy God changes us.

His grace becomes my beautiful. I am wanted by a Holy God because of His beauty that becomes my identity.  My identity is  based on the grace given by Jesus.

My heart is becoming more accustomed to Grace. 

Dear God, please touch my painful places to reveal your beauty, help me to understand your grace-filled view of little me. There are a lot of raw places still yet to become whole. Bring your fullness to my hurts and heal them with your Holiness.

What are you overcoming to become?

Surrender to the creative process

There are days when God gives me so much to chew on.  

"Dear God, help me process it all.  Reveal yourself in all that you have shown me today." 

The way I am wired, it will take a few days to write it out.  It's a process.  It's God's process in the way He teaches me.  A disciplining by my Master.

It feels like an inspired Intel Processor is constantly whirling, churning and stirring on the inside parts of my heart.  True meaning of the word pondering. 

"God, inspire me, may your truths process deeply."

I wonder if this is what Mary, the mother of Jesus, experienced.  Some days it feels like I'm just beginning this process.  Having one long holy conversation in fellowship with God and other believers, having holy moments and with holy hearing.

It's God working in my full surrender.   God is on the move in me.  

Surrendered with arms high and heart abandoned.  To the One who gave it all for me

So I am processing surrender, full surrender.  Surrender in God's timing.  Surrender to God's fullness.  Surrender...Whole and Creative, Whole and complete Surrender.  Without question.

Surrender processes, ponders, and penetrates my heart's creative Intel processor.

Processing with a full heart of surrender.

"You will seek me and find me when you see me with all your heart.  I will be found by you declares the Lord."  ~ Jeremiah 29:13-14

Rest assured, you're heard

I was helping my sweet friend with her dishes.  I was telling her a few things that I had been praying through and some answers where I felt God's leading.  She was quiet, patient, and methodical with her hands while I shared.  She heard my heart.  

She listened.  She heard.

Ask any woman.  When we have a conversation with you, we just need to know that you hear us.  We know you can't fix the problem most times, but there is one thing you can do to help.

You can listen.  Intentionally.

You can catch our words.  You don't have to use the gears of "I-need-to-fix" mentality and just intentionally listen.

Listening well is a gift.  My friend offered me a great gift that day.  Her ears heard my heart and her heart was open to the listening.  That meant so much that she wasn't trying to change me.  That's one thing us gals really need.  This might make you uncomfortable because you do like to help us so much.  What we really need is just to unfold our hearts to another person who will just hear us.  It gives us some assurance that our emotions are kept near.  

Hugs work too...I know...I just sent you over the edge of awkward.

My friend did a beautiful thing that day, more than cleaning the dirty dishes that stacked high.  She just let me spill my girly guts.  

In her listening, I exchanged my worries for quiet strength.  Assurance that my feelings were valid, that God was in control, that peace comes when fear is removed.  

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."  ~ Micah 7:7

There is a peace that assures our hearts when we know that we are heard.  

The One who hears can heal us.   The Fixer listens intently.     

God listens.  Peace comes, assurance settles deep.  

I watch in hope, I watch for Hope.
I listen intently to His voice as He cleans up my dirt.

Chubs club

"Dear Mr. Scale, can I be honest with you for a moment? Our together times really don't do much for me. I actually dread our appointments. And when you bring your friend Miss tape measure, well she really does a number on me."

I.hate.this. Have you ever had a conversation with your bathroom scale?

Maybe I am a tad insane, as a gold-star member of the Chubby club, but mine actually talks back. There have been so many weeks when I walked away with so many weighty disappointments. I foolishly thought the scale would give me some good news, as if my tight pants weren't enough of an indicator that I had taken in more calories than I expended for the week.

So why did I weigh faithfully? Why did I submit to it's mental abuse, when at the end of our encounters, I walked away ashamed?

My love hate relationship is probably something you won't understand. 

It's my chubby mentality. 

I have looked at these measuring tools as if they were the enemy, when as they sneer and judge me.  They torment and remind me of my failures. At one point in our long-term relationship, I actually gave one the boot in hopes to break it's lurking judgmental jeers. It's hate-laced accuracy didn't weigh me with grace or mercy. 

What I truly hate is that stole my self-worth. 

Perhaps I am tad insane.

In this journey of losing weight, I confess that I have let my measurements, both around and down, plus the tipping-the-scale-poundage define who I am. I fell into the trap of letting the scale write my attitude and darken my opinion of myself. My self-esteem rose and fell with the numbers. 

This chubs was defeated daily from an inanimate object. 

One day God asked me a question..."Why do you look at the scales view of you over My view of you?" 

That knocked me to my knees. I swallowed hard as I swallowed His hard truth. 

With tears of confession, God's healing forgiveness released the demanding dictatorship of that dumb-black-idol that only cared about my numbers. It was on that day I stopped being a hater of the tools that only marked God's beauty program through me. 

I still have regret about so much time wasted hanging on to the up-and-down numbers on the display, but this second time around I am putting less emphasis on man-made measurements..

...hanging my heart on God's measure of me.

Ps. 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." 

When I put myself down, while standing on the scale, measuring my middle or looking at my reflection, I am discounting God's wonderful works. God has made all things beautiful, including me and you who might be reading this. Read the above verse again.

God's works are wonderful, there's no chopped liver mentioned here.

Do you have a love or hate relationship with the scale?

God Mowed Me Over

There was a season when God taught me some valuable lessons on forgiveness.  It involved a lawn mower, a fence post and whole lot of sweat and tears.  That hot summer day, I was about the business of mowing our yard, my weekly chore.  I didn't want to be there, I never did.  

Because our yard is really renovated pasture grass, there are surprises hidden from time to time, dirt holes, tire tracks, mole mounds and tunnels.  But there was one obstacle that I had forgotten about that was hidden and deeply planted.  It was an old buried and broken steel fence post that had been cemented 3-feet-deep in the yard.     It was barely peeking over the blades of grass.  I didn't notice how close I was mowing next to it, until of course, it was too late.  Thwack!  The mower had a blade-on collision with the post and it stopped my mower cold.  

Hitting that post collided my attitude also.  It stopped right in the middle of my lousy temperament too.  As I was already dreading this chore, now it seemed that my chore list got a little bit longer to complete.  That thwack just forced the mower out of commission for the next 15 minutes.  

"Time to cool off". I told myself.  I had to catch my breath a little.

It seemed my mower was needing some breathing room too.  I walked away to get a cold drink in the house.  One thing I know about mowers when hitting steel posts every other swipe, they like to take a breather before returning to full crank position.  

I swigged down some icy cold water and it helped cool my body down.  But heat rose in my frustrated heart.  Resentment was building as the clock tick-tocked.  The last thing I needed that day was a delay in the finish.  I went back outside to asses the restart-the-mower plan.  I bent over to pull the start cord on the mower.  

Guess what?  Did you know that mowers have a sense of humor?  Deep inside it's grass laden underbelly, that old mower was laughing hysterically at me for taking such a short breathing break.  "In your dreams Jack!"  Suddenly it was shouting "hands off"!!!  I failed to see the humor.

I wasn't laughing...I just got more frustrated.  And my frustration was fueled by an escalating anger until I screamed a little.  Where upon, and henceforth, I invited myself to the biggest pity party on the block that day.  

It was a party of two.  Me and God.

I looked down at the problem post and said, "This is all YOUR fault!"  (Can you tell I talk to inanimate objects too much?)  The tip of the fence post just sat there buried, blinking at me with a blank stare.  

And then it happened.   Then God tapped me on my sweaty shoulder and immediately started resolving my resentment. 

"You see that fence post, it's buried like the unyielding bitterness you have buried in your heart.  You have held on to this unforgiving spirit for a while now..it's time to give that to Me.  I have watched you dig resentment, cemented with the deep-seated feelings around your hurts."    

God's gentle tap hit my heart with heavy conviction.  I saw His point.  Yeah, I got it.  I had some more clean-up to do.  As my eyes leaked onto my sweaty tank-top, my heart confessed the error of my ways.  I had been carrying some deeply hidden junk and that day God uncovered and mowed down the tangled, overgrown weeds.  He brought grace and forgiveness into those hardened, buried places.  

This is the part of the story where I tell you that I forgave those on God's agenda and then jumped right up and resumed mowing.  That didn't happen.  I spent some time crying, forgiving, and listening to God.  I was also  "mowed down" by my Creator who cared enough to put a fence post in my way, so I would be stopped by it, so He could give me a life-long lesson in forgiveness   

I took notes that in God's forgiveness school.  My grassy knees were imprinted with visible outlines of weeds pressed in as I pressed into God's grace and let the tears flow.  It seems my heart needed a pressure valve, and once the explosion of tears was over, there was peace and a light feeling in my spirit.  

No more heaviness, no more shame, no more blame.   

God didn't intend for us to carry the burden of an unforgiving spirit. It will hold you captive and bind you up tighter than a straight jacket. So if you have some resentment in your heart, let God tap your shoulder and mow you over with His wonderful gift of grace! We serve a God who commands us to forgive, over and over.  Yes, even that person you are thinking of right now.   Jesus taught us to forgive with the finest example of asking the Father to forgive those who put him on the cross.  He didn't turn a blind eye to our wrongdoings or injustices, nor did He let anger fester in His heart.  He freely gave the gift of forgiveness and releasing us from guilt.  

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

Not forgiving someone poisons our soul and taints our relationships. I need forgiveness on a daily basis....sometimes minute by minute. God freely gives forgiveness and so should I.  So should you. 

Who do you need to forgive today?  From one mower to another, there is God's grace to help you dig out those deeply planted "posts" in your life.

Some reasons to get out of bed today

If you are like me you are running on empty most days, and your to-do list just keeps growing and growing.  Most days are overwhelming with a cumulative list of tasks.

Ever get to the point of thinking twice about getting out of bed?  The doorway to depression is often calling your name, beckoning your heart to just succumb to the pressure of giving up.   

Do you see the usher of self-pity waving you in?  

At this point, it's tempting to just pull the covers over your head, and escape to sweet sleep.  That's really all you need is more rest, right?  More restful sleep?  More escape from your problems, more vacations from your thoughts?  More peace in your life?

I have found a good reason to pull back the covers of your heart, and let your feet hit the floor.  There are some good reasons to get out of bed today.

2 Corinthians 5:14-15  "For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and there for all died.  And he died for all, that those who live should no longer love for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."

Are you a Christian and reading this right now?  Have you accepted Christ's love into your heart and know you are going to Heaven when you say goodbye?  Then YOU have every reason to get out of bed today.

Let your feet hit the floor shod with God's love.

Christ's love compels, controls.
Christ's love reconciles.
Christ's love forgives, tolerates.
Christ's love convinces and changes.
Christ's love moves and acts, infiltrates and penetrates.

His love draws us in and revives, brings.
His love makes right our hearts and sets us apart.
His love sanctifies and makes us clean.
His love gives and receives, remakes.
His love claims and keeps.

Christ's love secures and seals our hearts for eternity.
Christ's love grips and holds.
His love fastens and locks.
His love heals and abides.
His love convinces and argues.

Christ's love settles and summarizes.
Christ's love victors and champions.
His love has overcome my sin, and those battles that wage war within.
His love completes and finishes.
His love is unconditional and eternal.

His love is endless and measureless.
It's greater and most significant.
It's compelling and controlling.
His love moves my feet, moves my heart.
His love is all.

When I list Christ's love...so completely (and I just barely covered the surface) it gives me purpose.  It gives me a reason to get out of bed.

Don't you want to share this?  The One and Only True Love?   Christ died for you.  Christ died for your sharing.  Christ's love is worth sharing.

Let me tell you...you have to get out of bed to share it.  Love doesn't speak well all covered up.

When Your Heart Feels Like a Sand Storm

It's been quiet here...

In my heart of stillness, there's been a stirring.  A gentle grace-filled assault of sand pebbles, stinging deep.

God is growing my faith in this gritty season.

My heart feels like an hour glass spinning on the inside and processing...churning...absorbing...stirring...

God is confirming His calling.

Do you you ever stop and evaluate your direction in life?  I do this often to keep myself in check.

More and more God's call is coming into view and more defined.  His call is filled with Hope.

Hope is being redefined and renovated in my soul.  Hope is confirmed and is settling.

Ephesians 1:11-12  "It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone." (MSG)

Hope Is The Thing

At the  beginning of the year, I struggled and prayed over my one word for this year.  I wondered why God kept bringing this one word to my mind.  I didn't want the word He was whispering to my heart.  

No... I didn't want to carry that one word mantle.  

God kept whispering this word.....Hope.

This one word was resonating as a call to embrace.  I tried to think of other more happy words to discover, not that learning about hope can't be a happy process.  I wanted to focus on something else instead of hope.  The word "joy" was next line.  I tried to avoid it.  I tried to deny it.  I tried...to find a different word to discover.  I tried.

I was afraid to accept the word hope.

What I know about God is this that if you ask Him to define something, to show you something, or reveal hope in your life, He will do that.  That is a prayer that He will answer "YES!" to.

So I accepted the word assignment of hope.

"God what do you want me to learn about hope?"

Every page in my journal for this year has the word hope on it.  

I am learning much about what Hope means ...

what Hope brings

what hope looks like

what Hope has

how Hope heals

what hope speaks

what true Hope is...

What about hope?  I have felt hopeless about a lot of situations and circumstances in my life.  And there have been a lot of reasons for those feelings.  My view of hope is changing.

I love the way that God teaches.  To really learn an idea, I have to see what it isn't.  For me to learn what hope truly means, I have to see the absence of hope.  

I just returned from two weeks in India.  I saw hope in action.  I saw God working hope in every heart.  I saw hope in the hopeless.  I saw hope in the midst of depravity.  

I saw Hope.  I experienced His hope.

There are many feelings that I am still processing.  When hope gets bottled up and pressed together, sometimes it takes a little time to get it all spilled out.  But I am pursuing Hope in all His ways.  

Even if it means that I must suffer over this word. 

Hope shines most in the darkest places. 

Jesus brought hope for me on the cross.  

Jesus was bruised for my hope.  

Hope now lives. 

May it live in my heart like it shines in His.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." ~ Hebrews 6:19

My Lender Be

Couldn't we all use a hug of grace?

 

They filed in one by one.  So politely and obedient with their manners packed in the pockets.  Grace was showing.  The children were so excited for VBS day as their smiles gave it away.  Surely they had experienced a Vacation Bible School day before.  Surely...it was obvious that some of them knew of Grace.

On the other end of the room something else was showing.  The tears gently fell as my heart was easily moved.  I leaned into my friend's shoulder and whispered..."How easily our hearts are lent to the things of God."  She nodded silently.  She was moved too.

There was something about their faces that moved me.   It doesn't take much to move my heart in the compassion-mission things of God.  It seems that mine is so easily lent and bent on loving kids.  "May this heart's mission never move."  Then it hit me....I had prayed for them.

Jesus had a deep compassion for people.

His heart was easily lent to love.  His ministry was easily bent on compassion.

In the three short years Jesus dispensed more grace-filled ministry than a church ever thought of, or could plan for.  More than a world wide partnership could ever reap, or the globe could contain.  His heart was and is bigger than all of that.  So when my heart crumbles a little while watching the innocent file in...I shouldn't be surprised.  I had prayed for this bending of my heart.

I pray for His lending.  I pray for His spending.  

As His follower I have to keep praying my eyes  to be open to see the broken, the oppressed, those that need a hand.  And most days God will bring someone to mind to pray for or bring a crossed path to help, or spur a written note or message.  That is an answer that God will always answer with a face or a name.

Couldn't we all use a love touch from Jesus?  Couldn't we all use a touch of  grace  and compassion?

I think back about those precious faces filing in with true joy and it reminds me of His love-bending grace that He gave me from the One who lent His blood.  Even before grace was spent.  Even before my "I need a Savior" prayer. 

Even before....I had prayed for Him to bend down and spend some grace on me.

How could I turn a cold heart to the hurting?  How can I become calloused to the crying?  How could I not be moved by such a single loving Heart?
 

Jesus was moved.

"When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."  Matthew 9:36

May I be like the Gentle Shepherd, the Lender of love.

And may my heart be always bent on the things above.
May this be my never ending prayer,
to be the lender of His great love.

Oh the Wonder of God's great love for each of us!

 

When You Feel Like You Don't Have What It Takes

I often doubt I have what it takes to make in this world.

Do you have moments like this when you feel inadequate?  Or that you don't have what it takes to make be the best spiritual leader in your home?  Or like you got in the wrong line when God was passing out talents?  

These kinds of doubts just don't do much for me and my confidence level.  And if I am honest with you....it's sends me into "I just want to give up" mode.  There are days when all of these crazy words and posts are swirling in my head....pent up...with no where to go, and no purpose to write them, so I think.

All these feelings are bumping into some hard, sore places in my heart.

Do you ever wonder why it seems some people are so gifted, and then you realize are so not so much?  Where do these feelings of inadequacy come from?

Today I learned that feelings of inadequacies come from unfair criticism, unrealistic compliments and unwise comparisons.  My pastor taught me that.  

When you feel like you don't have what it takes to make it, you're right.  

What it takes is your heart to surrender to God's view of you.  

God's view of you is different than your view of you.
God has given you more than you think to accomplish more than you think.
It's less about you more about God.  It's less about you, MORE about God.  Repeat.

Don't insult God by saying you don't have what it takes.  God has what it takes to work wonders through you.

For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.  Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)

If we believe we are made in God's image, and that he makes all things new, then how can we call ourselves unworthy or inadequate if God is living on the inside of us?  God is not inadequate and when we find our identity in Him, we will never be inadequate.

For me this was a hard truth that was drilled into my soul today, as tears streaked down my cheeks.  I am God's masterpiece.  This is truth.  So are you.

It doesn't matter that you feel it or not.  Truth is truth.  This is not a feel good message, this is a life-changing message.  If my identity is written by the author of Life, then I am a masterpiece.  Don't let the feelings of inadequacy, or failure, or doubt tell you that you are not valuable or that you don't have a place in God's heart.

You have what it takes if you are a believer and a follower of Jesus Christ.  You have the where-with-all to do the "whatever" that is gnawing on your heart right now.  The "thing" you only dream about but can't say...You have what it takes because God has all it takes.

God will consistently, and lovingly, guide you to the exact place he needs you to be right now, so that He can write His story of beauty in you.  So that He can bring beauty from your pain.  So that He can craft comfort in you to share with others.

Yes, you ....yes, me...

You have in you what God wants for you...do you want what God wants?

You don't need enough faith to finish, only to start.  God wants to perfect your faith by writing His  beauty on your heart.  

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness."  2 Peter 1:3

By His divine power...he has given us our worth. 

He has given you everything you need....

All we need for this life.

Not just to have what it takes, but...

to be holy and godly.

By knowing God...he calls us.

God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called.  

And it's by God's name are we called...  

God's glory and goodness. 

How to Make Your Heart Smile Today

My mom quilts.  She crafts with her hands.  It's talent that God has gifted her with and she makes some pretty quilts with her hands.  It soothes her and gives her something to do.  It's her artistic expression.

Some say that stitching intricate patterns in colorful fabrics to make a cloth picture is a gift.  And I would whole-heartily agree.  I think about how God gifts us with his talents, I can't help but think that those gifts are His creative voice that he breathed into you.

Ephesians 2:10 says "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."  My pastor said it nicely on Sunday..."you are God's poetic voice" in who He has made you to be.

That soothes me when I realize I don't have to be someone I am not.  And it also comforts me when I think about how God is becoming me to be more of a beauty.  I know...that was a gutsy thing to say. I am humbled when I read in the Bible I am made in God's image.  I honestly think that God is pretty wonderful...I like that image...I want to become his poetic voice.

When we compare ourselves to people that we only wish we could be, that is not being the awesome image that God imagined for us.  Don't try to be someone else.  Don't let man set the standard that God created for you.  Be you, the other person is already taken.  Be His poetic voice that boasts of His workmanship.

So stitch this truth into your life today...I am...you are...

.....the works of His hands, His artistic and creative expression.  His wonderful work.  And as you walk in faith, God is perfecting your poetic voice.   Perfectly measured with just enough lovely to reveal an intricate pattern, mixed with some beautiful.  Now sprinkle a cute little pink bow, (or handsome man tie) and you got yourself a smiling heart today.

Celebrate this...you are God's poetic voice.

Time to Get My Hands Dirty

My God sized dream has burned a hole in my heart.  

I describe it like this...when you are at the end of your dreams, you have to give them up, and lay them neatly in a journal... and I have given them to God.  

I have a dream of writing a book.   Maybe two of them.  As if one was even possible. 

It's hard for me to assimilate.  The thought of writing just one overwhelms me.  
Just one comprehensive and cohesive chapter would be a dream.  

Is writing God's dream or mine?  
You tell me...    

There are days I don't feel like sharing my story, 

and then...
I think of her.

I think of the person I used to be, and how I am becoming.  
I think... if it helps....helps just one.  And ...if she is like me ...and we can grab hands
and we can discover God's heart together.  Then...that thought makes me want to share. 
Then I become strong in this weak frame.
The words start to flow.  
So can we become together?  

Those are the days when I think sharing my story would be so easy.  

I often look at the blank pages

 with my clutter-filled heart churning.
Just like a revolving door...
ushering in new thoughts and ushering out excuses, so many thoughts.

Is there a promise here in this journey?

If you follow me on Facebook, you might have noticed the post that mentioned a "burning bush moment" one day.

That morning, The Greatest Story Teller asked me, 
"Are you ready to get your hands dirty?  
Will you write your story?  
I want to write it on your heart."

Blink....Blink.  Yes, Jesus, yes. Tears. Blink....Blink.

I pray "the end" result will be filled with hope, just like dirty hands above.  

That would be a God-sized dream come true.

What is God asking you to do in 2013?  I would love to know.
Will you come along too?

Music Monday [Don't Give Up]

There are some days when life just gets to be too much.  These words just pass through your head.  "I give up".  Plain and simple surrender.  Some of you may have never been to this point, and to you I say ..congratulations.  Others...well you know what I am talking about.

This life is full of many sad and happy days, the emotional highs and lows ebb like a high tide of the sea.  Sometimes it's feeling based, sometimes it's based on your reality.  And then there are days when your reality collides with your deepest feelings and you just want out. 

This time your heart said it's had enough 
Sick and tired of everything that's so messed up
You don't wanna move on just playing games
Praying hard somehow that your life will change
When you feel like you don't know what to do
Stuck inside this maze you can't go through

(Chorus)
Don't give up
Help is surely on its way
And don't give up
And the dark is breaking in today
And just keep on moving through these storms
And soon enough you'll find the door
Just don't give up
Oh, and don't give up

These walls around you are caving in
And your life seems like it is wearing thin
And your hope is drowning in despair
It looks like you're not going anywhere
Step inside this heart and then you'll see
Such a love that is so amazing 


This song "Don't Give Up" by Calling Glory came at just the right time and God used it to turn my day around.   And that helps when He reaches down and touches my sore spots and makes them better.  

If you have a tender or rough spot that needs a little more Jesus..then I hope this song speaks to you too.

Five Minute Friday {Perfect}

I am awkward.  

I laugh a lot.  

I trust too easily.  

I give my heart too readily.

I am quiet at times and when you least expect it.  

I cry.

I can smile a lot too.  

There are days when I don't show my heart well.

I get hurt when left out.

I am clumsy.  With actions and words.

I am beginning to like who I am though just a little.

I try to look pretty but most days give up.

My heart has been stomped on.

Most days I avoid the mirror and remember the number on the scale.

I want perfection, but know that I am severely lacking.


"We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul--not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy." Colossians 1:11(MSG)

I have an enthusiasm to write and share God's love.

I know that Jesus is enough.  And that's just who I am. 


I want to live a life worthy of the Lord and my please him in every way.


I want to bear fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge that comes from God. 

I am great with "perfect"....for today.