Reflections from one year ago, the day God gave me hope again....

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I walked in and immediately I noticed that she was glowing.  I was meeting my friend who had been my personal cheerleader my entire weight-loss journey for coffee.  When I saw her smile, hope grinned.  Her success at losing 15 pounds was more than obvious.  She was absolutely glowing with joy.  I wanted what she had.  I wanted hope.

She had gotten her vibrant health plan back under control and was eating right.  She spoke life into my hurting heart.  As she told me of her success, with each sip of coffee and with each tear dropped, I realized a hard truth that day.  I had to make some changes.  I was in a desperate and pivotal place, I had lost my will to try.... again.  

I felt hopeless.  

I wanted change,  I needed change, and I needed hope to carry on.  I was desperate for that hope that she had found.  In those hopeless moments, I realized I had to give up food....once again.  

That was the day that hope stuck hard in my throat.

For me losing weight has always been a spiritual battle.  In fact, my journey of losing 104 lbs several years ago was really just the start of my freedom from food.  And when I achieved my goal, I then lost sight of it, because I didn't know how to maintain the loss.  

It was a brand new day on Sept. 24, 2012 as I swallowed my pride, confessed my food addiction, and asked God for hope.  I woke up desperate and hungry, but I was willing to make some drastic changes to get some hope back.  I was hungry to get that hopeful gleam back into my eyes.  I wanted the hope to fill my smile and the glow from my hope-filled soul.

I took a step towards hope. 

Now 58 pounds lost and a year later, I have hope again.  I not only gained hope but I gained a better perspective of how to make healthy changes that make a difference.  I simply made one change at a time.  I considered the costs, I submitted my self-centered addiction-stacked desires and gave up foods I didn't need, to move forward toward my goal.  

In my loss I have gained hope.  Honestly it was always there, it was just sugar-coated,  soaked in coffee creamer, and smothered in salad dressing.  Who can see hope when it's buried under all those preserved calories?  

So do you need a little hope today?  If you looked at the scale this morning and didn't like what you saw, would you be brave enough to admit you have been a little hopeless in your resolve?  Can you give up just one thing today that will give you a hopeful tomorrow?  

I have forgotten what I wanted to eat so bad that caused my strong resolve to cave.   You can have the hope of being God's best too.  If you have 10 pounds or 210 pounds, whatever the amount, the change that God wants to do in you is knocking on the door of your heart.  And in exchange, God slips in some hope that will feed your soul in more ways than that chocolate chip cookie ever could.  So much more...

Do you need a little hope today?  Will you take a step towards hope?  YOU can do it just like I did.  All you  need to do is start...

Journal Journeys

One of my first journals was dated Jan. 4, and since then I have resolved myself to writing things down.  

My desire to write actually started way back when my dream was very small.  Whoever gave this gift, must have known.  God must have whispered my dream to them.  

The name of my first journal was 

"Multi-Volume Dissertation on Everything"  -Deluxe Edition.  My first entry....

"The best place to begin is the beginning. I've always wanted to write a book.  I always knew that I had the potential.  Now here is my chance.  Even though it may not get published, I'll have the satisfaction within myself that I did it!  Here is a collection of anything and everything that is a part of me!"

On the first page:  Things that are important to me and God.  God thank you for planting the desires of words in my heart.

Since that day I have recorded many thoughts, many things that are important to me. Tears and fears that help stretch and shape my faith.  Thoughts that are important to God.  Among the silly little girl stories there are the heart cries of young tender heart.  All important, each and every one of them.  

Since that first edition, I have recorded my prayers, my partially finished posts, my reflections, and my imagination and interpretations.  My heart is written on each page.  

God has put His footprint on each page.

There are some big mile-markers

...some doubt stones rolled away,

some fear filled walls that have crumbled down,

some hope bridges that span life's rushing tears,

some intriguing turns beyond the gates of praise,

some unforeseen twists and Promises,

many, many prayers, spoken and not,

some life plans and dreams wrapped around a lot of plan B's...

There are emotions roaring on pages mixed with joy, love and faithfulness.  Mixed with good God stuff, those prayers circled, in and around, day after day.  

Important faith stuff to me and God.

I take a journal with me wherever I go.  Just in case I need to capture one more thought or idea.  Post-it's, small notebooks, spirals, leathers, cloth-bound work to capture many ideas too.  They are all covered in prayer and my prayers cover the pages.

I prefer my pages to be more about Him.  Most days my pen makes the pages crinkle under my fingertips.  It's a delight to run my hands across the Truth.  It's life giving and life changing, recording God's promises and faithfulness.  Each page boasts of spiritual growth and my faith in action, it speaks of hope that God gives.  

God has filled these pages...with His truth and important stuff.  

So when I see yet-to-be-filled pages, prayers for needed new growth fill my heart, no matter how God's lessons come.   He prepares the fertile ground for the God harvest ahead.  This bride is looking to the One And Only Lover of her soul to inspire and remember inspired words to scribe.  

There are days when there is no doing, only being.  Silently taking it all in.  Giving thanks and making prayer circles.  There is no editing.  I challenge you to take up a pen and paper and boldly ask God what he would want to say to you today.   

God wants to share His heart.  

That's why I scribble....
His holy and divinely imprinted Footprint. 
He has time set aside for you. 

Desert Days

We all have specific seasons that we journey through. Mine seems to be one of dryness... like a desert.  Have you ever felt that way?  


From my prayer journal...


"I yearn for your answers God.  You know my prayers, my hopes, dreams and desires. I long for Your promises to be complete. Sometimes the waiting period seems unbearable.  God your will seems cloudy or unclear. The waiting seems excruciatingly endless."


Perhaps your desire is for your broken marriage to be restored, your rebellious teenager to return or a family member's health to be healed. Maybe you are waiting for the right person to be your soul mate.  You wait. You pray. You wait some more.


The Bible is full of people who waited. Godly people like Abraham and Sarah waited. They had to wait till they were old to have their first child. Joseph was sold as a slave by his own brothers, only to end up in prison for years before his promise of authority became a reality in his life. Why did God make them wait? Why does God allow us to wait?


There can be long periods of waiting for us all in our different situations and circumstances. And in those waiting times our faith is put to the test. I know I get impatient and sometimes doubt. However, I am learning, that in the waiting, there is joy in this journey. Yes, it's possible to be happy in this waiting room we are in.  While waiting I am learning more about who God is.  


Ps. 119:123-124, "My eyes strain to see your deliverance, to see the truth of your promise fulfilled. I am your servant; deal with me in unfailing love, and teach me your principles."


One day in frustration I actually cried out loud to God..."I am out of prayers!"  What I really meant was I am out of words.  I have prayed circles around some of my concerns. I know that God has heard me, and as I dried my tears, my course of action was clear.  

I must have blind faith in His time.  

My need to wait overrides my need to understand.

My need to control takes a back seat to His omnipotence.  

My need to understand is overshadowed by His peace.

My next step is illuminated as I surrender to full trust.

My need to feel complete is waived as He weaves a beautiful tapestry.    

As my eyes strain to see His promise, I have hope and joy as I wait to see His plans unfold. My raw dependence on His strength carries me through. 

Dear God... perfect your faith in me no matter...how long it takes.  

Have you had to wait on God for a specific answer to prayer?  What did you learn in your waiting?