This isn't the "I Dream of Jeannie" show, it's practice.

One of the biggest moments I had in choosing to do this blog, was to start.  A co-worker had started one and I only thought I had something to say.  Little did I know where this little blog would end up or turn up.   I didn't know that I could fill a page back then.  Years of writing in a journal has shown me otherwise.  I didn't know that  a blog would be so demanding and require so much attention.

I didn't know that it would be a beast sometimes.  I didn't know how I could be inspired to be a better writer.  I did know to practice often.

"You write a lot." someone once told me.  Yes, I do.  But I have a confession to make there have been some dry seasons too.  There have been those times my mind has felt like a brittle sagebrush flying down the Kansas highway bouncing off anything in it's path.

One of my biggest moments in writing for this blog is the daily practice that I invest in it.  This isn't happening by simple wishes or my good looks.  I pray consistently for the content.  I ask to be inspired, and then keep my eyes open for opportunities to experience a story.  That's what a good journalist does.

I keep a small notebook and pen at the ready.  (yes, I say that all the time).  I keep my tools handy and at hand.  I have to.  When you ask for divine inspiration, you never want to miss the opportunity to take notes.  By the way, I understand there will be a special gate in Heaven for us scribblers who take notes during Sunday worship.  Look for me there....I'll be the one with a red wagon full of journals.

A big moment for this blog was to finally embrace the desire to publicly speak in this.  That might have sent me over the edge of no return.  Upon starting, God birthed a bigger desire in me to continue.

I wasn't prepared for he hustle it would take to put some muscle to it.  I was a fool to think it would come easy.  Anything worth doing requires some effort.  I had to dispose of my ideas of what I thought this should look like, and let God show me what it means to follow in Him in writing.  I had to choose to let Him lead me in this versus me trying to find my own way in this.

This practice of embracing God's ways have spilled over into many areas of my life.  I like to call life my content provider, while letting God write His story in me.  It just so happens that by following the Great Story Teller in this, that there are new chapters my story that are evolving every day.

I call that something of value.  I call that progress.  I call that practice.  I call this a daily pursuit of my heart lining up with His words to me and me taking a few notes.  As you know there are millions of blogs out here, I had to choose a direction and I had to choose to be inspired by something.

I had to choose to let God be the keeper of these words.  As I follow Him in the purpose of this blog it's my practice.  I want to do this in the most excellent way.  That means in His time.  Our God, who created time, has plenty of time for you and your inner design development too.

Ever consider great things of worth take time to develop?  Just like you can't lose 100 pounds overnight.  Don't you wish we could just snap our fingers, and poof...100 lbs are just gone?  No, this isn't the I Dream of Jeannie" show.  Doing something of worth, the things that matter, takes practice.  And more practice, and practice again.  Building an audience takes practice.  Endurance is found in the dry spaces.  Faith is exercised in each post.  Tenacity is strengthened.  Patience is developed.  Your craft is practiced.

I trust God to be the keeper this blog and grower this blog.

In these practice sessions, it's honing my public voice.  As I fine tune my words, I am spiritually sharpened by hearing the One Voice that inspires me.  As long as I let the Holy Spirit inspire me, I will have a well-spring of blog posts.  Recently, I heard God's whisper to "Remain in this place, you will write from MY overflow."  All the while, I've been reading and remaining in John 15.

My almost four year old grandson is a chatterbox.  Avery is constantly asking questions, so much so he strings question to question.  I have to remind him to breathe sometimes.  Some waking hours he spews questions at rapid-fire pace.  One afternoon, he didn't even allow time for one thoughtful answer.  It reminded me of that word-dry season I had gone through, when I constantly asked God why I couldn't finish what I had started.  I was asking my questions so fast and furious that I couldn't hear His answers.

That was big moment to realize that if I am spewing words at God, I can't hear His whispered answers.  Oh don't you wish you were watching an episode of "I Dream of Jeannie" now?  Can you relate to this?  Don't you wish you could know God's plan before we choose to follow God's plan?

When we ask God to intervene in ways that only He could we have to still our hearts before Him so we don't miss the practice sessions He requires of us to build our faith, our tenacity, our strength, our endurance, and our story that's worth telling.

Show up for practice, your attention matters.

One of the big problems for this writer

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus,
giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17

"It's not what you do, it's who you are."  What I nice comment from my husband who just read one of the best blogs I've ever written.  "I'm encouraged after reading that."  He's so kind and happens to be one of my biggest cheerleaders.  Comments like that affirm what God is telling me to stay faithful too.
Writing.  Overcoming and more writing.

Only the Lord, knows how much I struggle to find my way into this big pond of authors.  Never let it be said that I want to promote my problems.  Certainly sorrow has shaped a lot of my stories.  But by honoring God in these posts, it helps me overcome my problem with posting.

I always what to share the hope of God in each post.

You see, sharing here is becoming safe place now.  I feel comfortable here.  It's been well determined that this isn't a topical blog.  This is a personal blog.  A place of sharing, caring and embracing this crazy journey called life that God has me on.

So one of my big problems is deciding which story to share today, or first or one that will move you to see God in a new light.  I don't take that honor lightly.

Please understand that I don't have all the answers.  I don't, but I am interested to know God answers about everything.  The enemy wants me to not be here, but this is about God proving fortitude in this little blog, perhaps patience, and yes even endurance in my little corner of the world race of faith.

I am mustering faith each and every time in writing.  It's God's way of building confidence, security and faithfulness.  It could be that another problem I have is using self-control.  I don't just share my stories, but I share heart with you.  Our wayward hearts are loaded with so many emotions, that they can be deadly and powerful, all at the same time.

A famous author once wrote this about his purpose in writing about pain.  "The only purpose is to solve the intellectual problem raised by suffering; for the far higher task of teaching fortitude and patience I was never fool enough to suppose myself qualified nor have I anything to offer my readers except my conviction that when pain is to be borne, a little courage helps more than much knowledge, a little human sympathy more than much courage, and the least tincture of the love of God more than all."

I bet he struggled with writing too and what to share.  You see when writing emotions intersecting faith it gets painful.  I'm really sharing some deep heart stuff here and putting my emotions on the line.  It's really my heart's response to what God is showing me through the storms of life and through His inspired Word.

For me, that's my honorable way to process.  It's God's way of teaching me what I need to know to cope with life, to be prepared for all situations, but also to become more like Him.  It's God's way.  Any time you play the God card, the game get's serious.  I don't take my big problem lightly but honorably.

Can I tell you in this that it is becoming less of a problem and more of an honor?

I bet C. S. Lewis thought so too.  He's the author of many books, essays, countless words of encouragement and the above quote.  From his corner of the world, in his writing place, I dare say he wrestled with what he would share.  I would call his writing honorable and share worthy.

Be encouraged today that the good works that God has designed from His craftsmanship, are specifically carved out for you too.  All that He has placed inside of you can be used in an honorable way.  Don't miss the lessons along the way as you learn His honorable way of sharing the good works He is doing in you.  By honoring God first in what He's designed you with, it doesn't take much for God to change the world through you.  All you have to do is listen to His voice, and use the creativity He places within.

All of the sudden your creativity bears your burdens God's way.   For me, this matters, and I don't have to use a lot of words to help you see that.  That's God's job and in honoring Him with mine, I know He will use them well.  

What one fancy writer dude taught me about writing

They say to be a good writer you have to be a good reader.  I've never been really great at reading until I wanted to become a better writer.  

I remember the days of 8th grade when Mrs. Volz was my reading teacher.  Back in ancient school times, it was required to learn to read well and fast.  I've must of flunked that class.  I still remember the intimidating and archaic machine that projected lines of words on a white screen at the front of the classroom, ticking off words line by line.  I remember the blur of words that I peered so hard to read fast and furious from the back of the class, sitting on my knees just to see the screen.  I didn't learn to read that well and was just mesmerized by the black block that was keeping pace with the metronome set at hyper speed.  It seemed to float fast across the front of the room.

This was my reading world, class assignments, that I failed daily at and it was a process that failed me.  I wasn't one of those students that got it.  I just wanted to shout at that 80-year-old teacher for her teaching technique that left me out and feeling inferior to the rest of the class.

I gave up reading at that point in my life, believing that if I couldn't read fast there was no point in reading at all.  I still had a fascination for books however and over time I practiced just reading at my own pace, very slow on a good day, and I taught myself how to read and absorb what I was reading.

By reading, I have improved my writing.  There's a fancy blogger I like to read that has taught me about reading, writing, and all things fancy.  He's been one of the best teachers in this process, and has really read me like a book.  The funny thing is that we have never met, but through his influence in words, and through my growth in reading, he has made me believe that I can do this writing thing.

He believes in me without having met me.

He's taught me how to own my story, how to own how to spill my story and how to be a good writer.  In teaching me how to be a better writer, and he is coaching me in a way that has benefited well for him.  I might have been wrong about the importance of reading well.  But because I have stayed the course, I am earning my right to write better.

One of the things that Jeff Goins, Michael Hyatt and John Maxwell have all taught me is the same, that if you want to learn about a topic you need to read about it for 5 years.  I've been blogging for going on my seventh year now, and I can tell you that I am getting better at this.

They have all taught me it's okay to admit you were wrong about something.

I was wrong about where my confidence in writing was coming from.  I have been wrong about why I am doing this.  The other day, God again refreshed my purpose, thus the resurgence of this blog.  I was wrong about why this needed new energy.  I'll admit I was distracted and defeated in writing.

But God...reminded me that He wasn't done with this little fancy thing just yet, through the words of one fancy writer.   What Jeff is doing right now is a 21-day challenge for blogging, with the purpose of being intentional with what and why we are writing.

Can you handle one more "I was wrong" statement?

I've been wrong about this blogging process too.  Jeff reminded me that blogging is just practice at writing and at reading, and if you want to get better you have to do both.  Oh how I need to find balance in this process, because I was relying on my own strength to revive this effort, versus God's strength that He has equipped me with.

I don't know about you but there are days when I want to do this writing thing all by myself.  I think I'm strong enough to compose a few fancy words, string them together to make sense, and then pray that it will make a difference in someone's life.

What I was wrong about was the fact that I could do something without the work of the Holy Spirit to do what He is asking me to do.  I was really wrong and I thought I was prepared to do it already.  This blog is an evolving practice of my daily dependence on what God can do through me and is doing in me.

I was also wrong about what I was afraid of.  I'm not afraid that you aren't reading this stuff.  I'm afraid you are rejecting what I'm writing about.  So this might be a wrong question, but do you tire of my spiritual stories?

Have you ever had to admit that you can't do something on your own?  Have you been wrong about how you are to practice what God's has passionately placed within you to develop?  Do you lack confidence in striking out on your own?  This process of blogging helps me practice what I call spiritual inventory, dealing with conflicts, which brings spiritual healing and wellness, and brings balance to my life.  I tend to hide behind my servant's apron to serve you some fancy words but in all reality it's the transparency and the struggles in which you connect the best.

One of the most fancy writer dudes has taught me the most about writing, that would be Paul, the New Testament writer.

Paul must have known something about the writer's struggle too.   I read his struggles with the people around him, his ministry, his identity in Christ and finding his place in the writer's world,   But yet, it's in those struggles that I am inspired to be a better writer.  Think about how his simple words of encouragement still inspire millions today.

Talk about one fancy blogger.  Yup, Paul would definitely fit that bill.

So friends, I am encouraged by this blogging process, and I am encouraged by this practice of writing, and I'm encouraged that I can read, read slowly and let the words that I do read, impact my writing, but mostly I am encouraged by the courage of one fancy blogger who was a great reader, writer and teacher.  He has shown me because of my identity in Christ, I have the confidence in the craft that God has planted deep inside of me.  I'm inspired to make a difference with the gift that God has placed within me.  A fancy place indeed, in which I can string words of truth together to make a difference.

I haven't been wrong about life change that this process has brought.  I know of one person who has been changed by what I have written about.

Me.   There's nothing wrong with that.

There was a day I thought I could mess this up

The process our growing faith is God's delight for His children.

In Philippians 2: 12-13, Paul writes:  "Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. (NLT)

The last year has been a time of transition for me as I moved from my day job to my dreams.  One thing I didn't want to do is get ahead of God or mess up His plan for me.  Like I thought I could mess up His plans (uncontrollable laughter here).  I had to trust in what I didn't know or couldn't see at the time and instead of relying my own strength or try to make sense first.  

Stepping out to find out what God has for you is one of the most challenging things we do as His children.  We are the ones who make it harder than it should be.  We really need to rest more on His capable plans and trust that He is always working for us to benefit our faith and to bear His fruit in our daily lives.    

His grace has has really held me to believing that I can do what He has asked me to do as long as I keep seeking Him in this faith journey.  I also believe that this blog is like a spiritual bandaid.

Doing this process brings healing in many ways.  Research from the University of Texas  states that the art of writing allows people to take a step back and take inventory of their lives. Instead of obsessing unhealthily over an event, some write or journal their thoughts, therefore allowing their focus to move on or forward instead of dwelling on stress, conflict or a traumatic event.

My emotions are processed better on paper and before God.  For me it's the way I apply God's truth to study me and helps me be a doer of the Word, not just a hearer.  My stress levels go down and my spiritual health correspondingly goes up.  

God's biggest desire for us is to bring His wholeness and fullness to our lives.   By seeking God in writing this blog it brings my heart to a place of stepping back to see how God is working out my faith, but also brings a ton of spiritual healing that results in His fullness and wholeness that is added to my life.

I couldn't get that on my own, but only through the work of the Holy Spirit bearing His fruit in me.  You can't mess up God's plans for you, but you can resist His best for you.  Submitting to God, or agreeing that He knows best is always the best way to live.  

God cares as much about our living out of His grace as much as our beginning of faith.  He cares about what He gives his grace to.  It's another reminder that I don't have to figure this grace thing on my own, that He is bearing fruit that only He can give and His grace keeps us from messing up what He already has figured out.  

It all boils down to the attitude of the heart and how we position ourselves before the Father. His grace paves the way, holds us steady and unwavering, and holds us close to protect us along the way.  

I love knowing that grace is something we don’t have to earn, and a gift we can’t lose - even when we blow it.” -Renee Swope, Proverbs 31 Ministries.  I would like to add my own little thought to this great wisdom...a gift we can't lose even when we need more faith to believe.    

How has God surprised you with His grace?

My favorite time of the day

I've thinking about my favorites.

God.
Family.
Africa.

Yes, In that order.

You are wondering where writing is on this list?  It's my unspoken favorite.

The favorite part of me.  I can't really explain it except that when I do this, when I tell you what's on my heart, it's my favorite time of the day.

When does this happen?

When I spend time with my Favorite.  Do you know there are days I wake up at 2:30 am?

You would think it was because of my coffee addiction or some other reason like insomnia.  But honestly, it's my favorite time.

My favorite time of the day is when God prompts me to write.  Right now I could have ten conversations with you.  God stimulates, rejuvenates and favorites this time.

God prompts me to write thoughts to you just about any hour of the day.  My brain is on overload, my heart is overflowing most days.

I carry pen and paper with me at all times.  I never know when I am going to get inspired or have a thought that I need to share.  But I have to be prepared to spend it my favorite way.

You've just glimpsed into my freaky favorite time.

When you see a tweet you like you favorite it.  When you see a picture on Instagram you heart it.  When you see someone else's life in a Facebook status update you like it.  You mark your favorites, you have them too.

So I challenge you to look at what your favorites are.

I'm inspired but then I pray to be inspired.  You may think that thinking about favorites is a waste of time, but I disagree.  My number one favorite starts with spending time my favorite way.

In this order:
God
Family
Africa

Writing in-between the favorite verses, things, people, places, favorites under the sun.

Be inspired to do something to tweet about, something that isn't just complaining on Facebook, something that would inspire someone else.  Do what you consider your favorite.

That is your favorite time of the day.

Dear you

It may look like it comes easy, but it doesn't.  Some days, knowing what to share with you and what to keep inside, reveal some uncertain areas for me.  I have a tendency to just spill my spiritual guts but also selfishly I don't want to open up to you.

Until that one person says...."I love what you are doing on your blog."  That was so kind of you to say...random lady on the street corner.

Honestly, it's not what I am doing with this blog.  It's more importantly what God is doing with this.    I am just one who sits and lets the words flow through her heart.

It seems I am always writing something uncomfortable or incomplete.  Not good enough.  I understand now this is continuing story.  God's continuing story in me to you.

Dear you...

So why am I writing this today?  I just wanted to say thanks for being faithful to show up here to read my heart today.  Here's a big 'ole heart hug for you.  Guys, you only get one of those side hugs, awkward...I know.

You have been so supportive to read, comment and share.  Well, some of you have.   I remember when I first started this thing.  It was really for no reason than to be heard.  My first post was about my favorite subject...shoes.  But what God has done in the process of this practice is to let His heart be heard.

He has helped my find my writing voice.  It's different.  I just hope it connects with you.

One thing you need to remember today, if nothing else hits you with this, is that you matter to God.  I can remember when I wrote a post about mascara.  It was one of the most impacting posts and life-changing for one reader.  I didn't realize it at the time but when I got a life update from her the other day, wow...has God done a wonder in her life.  That's what happens when you allow God to wander through your heart.  I come away changed every time, and it's what I pray, that His heart that is reflected here.

Will I make some grammar errors?  yes.

Will I make some crazy life analogies?  yes.

Will I reinforce life truths with His Truth?  yes.

That's what I promise to you.  If nothing else I will keep writing because this is my spiritual act of worshiping God with the written word.  I hope you are okay with that reason.  If you believe it's worth it to stick around to see what this is all about then please do so.  We can wander through God's heart together.  But I have to tell you....I am such a slow student it make take a while. And may I be gut level honest with you?  I like lingering around Him....

My heart here is to shine the Light of God's heart.  You're so invited along for the ride.  It's going to be fierce and wild, but hopefully inspiring and warm around those brittle corners.    

Many other bloggers can't say they have a purpose.  Pretty sure I will fail sometimes at purpose too, but you don't want to read perfect, you want to read real.  And if it's authenticity you want then I can promise you that.  

I write about the Real Deal.  I can write about God's real truth dealings with me.  I'll just be over here in the corner, maybe in a nice little purple and daisy-dotted room with a corner view will be just about the right place for me, crunching the keys as I pour my heart out post after post.

Can you please just offer me a little grace for my incompleteness?  

Would I do this if no one read it?  yes.

Can I count you to be here?  If so, please leave a comment letting me know.  I want to get to know you too.

It's from this little heart lens that I see God.  It's from the large lens of truth that I want to share God's heart with you.  It's worth the cost, worth it all.  At least to me, I hope it is to you too.  Thank you for investing your time, I pray my time was spent encouraging you today.

Now....go do something awesomely dreamy-like today.    

"You are imperfect and you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging."
-Brene Brown

All my love,

Janelle, I am a writer.  (There, I said it out loud)

Journal Journeys

One of my first journals was dated Jan. 4, and since then I have resolved myself to writing things down.  

My desire to write actually started way back when my dream was very small.  Whoever gave this gift, must have known.  God must have whispered my dream to them.  

The name of my first journal was 

"Multi-Volume Dissertation on Everything"  -Deluxe Edition.  My first entry....

"The best place to begin is the beginning. I've always wanted to write a book.  I always knew that I had the potential.  Now here is my chance.  Even though it may not get published, I'll have the satisfaction within myself that I did it!  Here is a collection of anything and everything that is a part of me!"

On the first page:  Things that are important to me and God.  God thank you for planting the desires of words in my heart.

Since that day I have recorded many thoughts, many things that are important to me. Tears and fears that help stretch and shape my faith.  Thoughts that are important to God.  Among the silly little girl stories there are the heart cries of young tender heart.  All important, each and every one of them.  

Since that first edition, I have recorded my prayers, my partially finished posts, my reflections, and my imagination and interpretations.  My heart is written on each page.  

God has put His footprint on each page.

There are some big mile-markers

...some doubt stones rolled away,

some fear filled walls that have crumbled down,

some hope bridges that span life's rushing tears,

some intriguing turns beyond the gates of praise,

some unforeseen twists and Promises,

many, many prayers, spoken and not,

some life plans and dreams wrapped around a lot of plan B's...

There are emotions roaring on pages mixed with joy, love and faithfulness.  Mixed with good God stuff, those prayers circled, in and around, day after day.  

Important faith stuff to me and God.

I take a journal with me wherever I go.  Just in case I need to capture one more thought or idea.  Post-it's, small notebooks, spirals, leathers, cloth-bound work to capture many ideas too.  They are all covered in prayer and my prayers cover the pages.

I prefer my pages to be more about Him.  Most days my pen makes the pages crinkle under my fingertips.  It's a delight to run my hands across the Truth.  It's life giving and life changing, recording God's promises and faithfulness.  Each page boasts of spiritual growth and my faith in action, it speaks of hope that God gives.  

God has filled these pages...with His truth and important stuff.  

So when I see yet-to-be-filled pages, prayers for needed new growth fill my heart, no matter how God's lessons come.   He prepares the fertile ground for the God harvest ahead.  This bride is looking to the One And Only Lover of her soul to inspire and remember inspired words to scribe.  

There are days when there is no doing, only being.  Silently taking it all in.  Giving thanks and making prayer circles.  There is no editing.  I challenge you to take up a pen and paper and boldly ask God what he would want to say to you today.   

God wants to share His heart.  

That's why I scribble....
His holy and divinely imprinted Footprint. 
He has time set aside for you. 

Being the Illustration on God's Whiteboard

Perhaps I have made this look too easy.


Most days it's not.  Some of my current drafts will never make the cut.  There are days when I still want to guard my words around you.  Needless to say, I am a work in progress.  


Please know this...that God has really been re-purposing my heart in His  white board space.  I have left my need for your approval back on some fence post months ago.  This is now a place where I can breath a little.  


I won't write all my thoughts to you. 
Only what God puts on my heart.  
God's whiteboard is very full of illustrations, and I still have some work to do.  
Some projects will be for "His eyes only" as they reveal my ugly underbelly.  God can handle my honesty though.  


There are times I get bogged down in my own imperfections in communicating.  I am my own worst critic.  That is a tender place where God is healing me.  I am a mess, with straight up crazy thoughts that sometimes make sense and sometimes don't.  I muddle through them best I know how but feel like I am making small progress.  My heart and mind stir constantly.  

Ps. 1:2-3 But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.  He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.

When is my best work done?  When I spend time with the One who inspires.  

His best work is done in me when I love Him most. 

God, ignite your dreams in me, fan the flame.  

Can you give God five minutes today?