Thursday, May 19, 2011

Junk in My Trunks

Lately, God is showing me some pitch black places of my heart condition and I feel like I am fumbling around like a blind idiot, so dark that I have lost my emotional bearings of how I got here. I realize what I just wrote makes no sense and is soooooo generically vague! That was my intention. You may not understand this, you may not "get" this. There is a line in the proverbial sand that I can't go past or share with you....just yet.

I take the next groping step because God is asking me to put my heart in a crucible. It will be filled with a lot of tears (my prediction). It's a battle of emotional proportions. And because I have seen Him work in the past and work in the today's of my life, I know there will be life on the other side. I trust Him to hold my emotions in the palm of His hand. I like the way He holds me there, and holds my tears.

Take me to the "beautiful"...change is always good. Change is always hard. This is not a time to be indifferent or shallow. This goes deep. An emotional roller coaster is fast, has unexpected twists and turns. I am expected to trust and obey. I am expected to strap on the harness of the Spirit and let Him filter the goods and the bads. Just because it's the way I am, doesn't mean I can't strive to be beautiful in the emotional realm of my spiritual walk also.

"If you have received the Spirit and are obeying Him, you find He brings your spirit into complete harmony with God and the sound of your goings and the sound of God's goings are one and the same." ~ Oswald Chambers. I am just a girl with some tearful struggles and pleading with God to take me to His beautiful.

How is God showing you how to ride your emotional roller coaster?

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