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| Ouch, your words hurt! |
It was one of those texts that left me rubbing my eyes filled with tears and wondering, “What did I say that was wrong?” I just wanted to help but instead, I was blindsided by criticism.
I just wanted to bolt. I wanted to find the next plane and jump on...and not return.....
But...I am writing this instead.
Words that are harshly said, just hurt. When people are critical it pierces. And no matter who you are, or what you do or how much chocolate you have at your disposal, one kiss of "who do you think you are?" can spread like the plague. It can choke, stifle, and shut down the most pleasant conversations.
I wish we could take a little love pill and make it all go away. When hurtful words hit, no matter the delivery, there is damage. And now the task of damage control is at hand. Whether you are the one doing the damage or the one receiving the damage, emotional repair is needed.
When this happens, I have to ask, was the motive to help or to hurt? If it's rising out of your insecurities or inadequacies, then ....I guess you know the answer. If it's obvious that it is rising out of their insecurities or inadequacies, then...then you know the answer.
And you then you know how to pray...for them..and for yourself.
We can’t fix "whatever" hurts or inadequacies that caused the hurtful words to flow. We can control our responses by acknowledging that we are all God's workmanship in progress. By staying calm, using self-control and not lashing out in anger, it will add peace and not add fuel to the fire. There is no restoration in compounding the hurt with more hurt.
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.” Proverbs 15:1-2
My dear friend has a website called "A Gentle Answer". Whenever I go to her she always gives me just that...a gentle answer.
I’m learning about God's self-control and not being a hot button to push. It is part of the fruit of the Spirit and can be such a calming gift of peace not only for me but for my next offender.
How do you handle people who hurt you?
10 comments:
Must have been a week for hurtful words to flow because I have been struggling the last two days to keep my thoughts and words in check and to reply as God wants me to. Thanks for the post and timely reminder!! :)
We all struggle with this Brenda as we wear Christ and reflect His image. The tongue is one of the wildest weapons to tame. Something to think about is what is our godly response?
When you put yourself out there, like we do, there are some who will choose to be critical. The rewards are worth it, though, when many others are moved by the words the Lord gives us to share. Write on, my dear friend! This means you're doing something right!
My husband gently informed me that I had "inherited" my mother's talent for being snippy and critical. Ouch! That was about 10 years ago. Since then I have tried fervently to not be snippy. Not an easy task! But I know when I make a conscious effort to speak in a godly manner, I am blessed as well as blessing someone else.
As for jumping on an airplane ... 29 days, my friend, 29 days!
When words hurt , I have say Lord forgive them and I forgive them cuz they know not what they do.
But how do you handle it when someone is hurting you indirectly and you know telling them will probably hurt them, too but keeping it to yourself causes the pain to happen again and again? I've been praying over this one.
Certainly a tough situation, but truth heals and if they are aware of how they are treating you, then would it cause change? If you can help bring healing and growth, that would be a good thing.
I was like Lisa, I had a friend that was hurting me with her words and me not telling her was hurting also. When I finally told her, it ended our friendship.
Certainly a situation where self-control and patience is warranted. God can grow us in spite of the hurt that is that is caused. Discernment is needed with talking with friends and pure and holy motivations should be exhibited.
"Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets."
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