Isn't Wasn't Supposed to Be This Way

The words should just roll right off.  Aren't they supposed to just flow? 

And be right the first time....with no edits?

It's in the trying I get spent.  I didn't think it would be this way.

As I share my heart with you, it was supposed to be easy.  It's not.  

The whys don't matter today, but by this time in my blogging life, 

I thought it was going to be different.

I thought I could write bubbles and laughter.

I  thought I could write rainbows and unicorns. 
Instead of what I thought..I find myself crying more, praying more....
writing more.

But it's not that way....always....

I keep wanting to compare..even though I know it shouldn't be that way.

But what is...this way...

is ...finding Truth in what I read every day that brings more questions.  

Most times, the encounters with God that I have when I read the Bible are...

well....His truth rocks my world.  

It was supposed to be this way....so exciting....so inviting...

and "Hey God, why should I care about this?"

(God's answer coming in a separate post.)  

Writing processes stir up some deep stuff.  I thought it would get easier.  

Did you know that there days I don't know what to say to you?

Those days the literary bubbles are popped.  Blink..Blink

Do you ever have those kinds of days?  

When you just feel like everyone is staring at the pages of your life?

As I stare at the pages of your life...I pray for you...

Do you put on a smile, when you are really ripping on the inside?

There is so much I could say.

It's not supposed to be that way.

The cost of discipleship.  Why didn't I expect it to be this way?