The Middle

My human reasoning fails me every time when it comes to understanding some of this life as I know it.  And there are times when I realize that my failures feed off my own human reasoning.  There are some days that I would like to think I am somewhat intelligent, but then I am knocked off my feet with my lack of comprehension in response to many of life's circumstances.  Especially when it comes to the senseless loss of human life.

I have to remember that these circumstances passed through God's hands first.  

"This is my doing."  1 Kings 12:24

There is a lot about living this life that we are called to that I just don't get.  Seriously.  It is beyond my human thinking-with-both-sides-of-my-small-girl-brain some days.  The other day, as I was scratching my head in confusion and questions, I just accepted the fact that I don't have what it takes to be a Mensa   There are days that I simply don't get it.

My mind wants to just meltdown into a muddled mass of nothingness so that my brain will stop hurting.

And there is one thing I will never, ever, get...when cancer strikes.

How do you understand that horrific illness or disease or the after effects of any kind of devastation?

God gets it.

When I want to cling to my own understanding, I have to revert back to a memorized proverb that comforted me on my white-knuckled-hang-on-tightly-to-Jesus chemo-surgery-chemo-radiation-chemo bobsled ride with my husband.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5-6
How do you understand pain?  How do you accept cancer?  How does long term illness wear on you?  How about the painful loss of a family member?

I only know of one way to understand these difficult times....acknowledging God.

Through it all, I have to continually look to My Father who's mind is greater than mine.  And who's comprehension of my life's agenda is grander than my small thoughts.  I have to dismiss my why questions and just acknowledge the fact that there are many situations and circumstances in my plan B that I will not have full understanding of until I see Jesus.

Pretty sure that when I am looking full on into His eyes of compassion...
I'll forget my silly questions.

When things don't make sense, when your head hurts from trying to put human reason to a God ordained day, when your heart is about to explode or implode...
with emotional pain
that
cuts
you
deeply...

...acknowledge God.

We are on the biggest trust walk ever.  Hang on tightly to the only One you can trust when you don't get it.  Let Jesus calm your inner raging questions.
Let God pat your sorrowed soul.
Acknowledge God.

Not just when things are going good or problem free.
Not just when your tears dry up.
Not just when your nerves are numb.
Not just when you are hurting and you don't know which way is what.

In.all.of.your.ways.  All of them.
All your thoughts...
actions...
words...
Acknowledge God.

Peace comes.....