"Dear Mr. Scale, can I be honest with you for a moment? Our together times really don't do much for me. I actually dread our appointments. And when you bring your friend Miss tape measure, well she really does a number on me."
I.hate.this. Have you ever had a conversation with your bathroom scale?
Maybe I am a tad insane, as a gold-star member of the Chubby club, but mine actually talks back. There have been so many weeks when I walked away with so many weighty disappointments. I foolishly thought the scale would give me some good news, as if my tight pants weren't enough of an indicator that I had taken in more calories than I expended for the week.
So why did I weigh faithfully? Why did I submit to it's mental abuse, when at the end of our encounters, I walked away ashamed?
My love hate relationship is probably something you won't understand.
It's my chubby mentality.
I have looked at these measuring tools as if they were the enemy, when as they sneer and judge me. They torment and remind me of my failures. At one point in our long-term relationship, I actually gave one the boot in hopes to break it's lurking judgmental jeers. It's hate-laced accuracy didn't weigh me with grace or mercy.
What I truly hate is that stole my self-worth.
Perhaps I am tad insane.
In this journey of losing weight, I confess that I have let my measurements, both around and down, plus the tipping-the-scale-poundage define who I am. I fell into the trap of letting the scale write my attitude and darken my opinion of myself. My self-esteem rose and fell with the numbers.
This chubs was defeated daily from an inanimate object.
One day God asked me a question..."Why do you look at the scales view of you over My view of you?"
That knocked me to my knees. I swallowed hard as I swallowed His hard truth.
With tears of confession, God's healing forgiveness released the demanding dictatorship of that dumb-black-idol that only cared about my numbers. It was on that day I stopped being a hater of the tools that only marked God's beauty program through me.
I still have regret about so much time wasted hanging on to the up-and-down numbers on the display, but this second time around I am putting less emphasis on man-made measurements..
...hanging my heart on God's measure of me.
Ps. 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
When I put myself down, while standing on the scale, measuring my middle or looking at my reflection, I am discounting God's wonderful works. God has made all things beautiful, including me and you who might be reading this. Read the above verse again.
God's works are wonderful, there's no chopped liver mentioned here.
Do you have a love or hate relationship with the scale?
10 comments:
I cried after reading this. thank you. I have watched a friend struggle with an eating disorder, and then struggled with being overweight myself. We both hate our bodies and neither of us are healthy, and especially do not have a healthy image- a God-given idean of who we really are.
Please pray for both of us.
Janelle, you are speaking the truth for thousands of women( and men) who struggle with this horrible beast of weight and it's impact on our self-worth! It does not define us but because it is an inherent part of our being it is so difficult to separate and see ourselves the way God sees us because everyone and everything in our society lets you know it is not acceptable, from a health or an appearance standpoint! Where many people's addiction or struggle is not visible, we wear ours and have to lug it around for everyone to see! As a fellow loser/gainer we just have to keep working on our "work in progress" and not give up! Thanks for your words of encouragement for the rest of us!
Thank YOU Janelle for continuing to write and share with all of us!!
YES!!! Once you acknowledge the true reasons then you can take accountable action. Love ya!
Janelle, I am blessed by reading your blog.
Oh look, we are still the same person. Took my thoughts right out of my head. Thanks for the encouragement this morning.
Wow! It was like you read my mind and heart. I have struggled with wt all my life. The only time I was thin was when I was on drugs.
I've tried everything in the last 25 yrs the last time I was skinny at 130 right before our first daughter was born. I want to break this chain that has me bound at a unhealthy wt. I'm also recovering from my 4th neck surgery that took place this past Feb. So getting healthy these last 10 yrs of surgeries and injuries has been quite difficult.
But now things are different as my surgeon removed me from work permanently (PT Assistant) and was advised to seek disability.
I know that God is going to help me get to where I want to be!
Thanks for being SO transparent, it's awesome to see!
Love listening to The House FM!
Sherri
There’s no chopped liver here either. There’s only a child of God. Hello… my name is Child of the One True King.
This hit me dead on. How wonderfully comforting & strengthening. Thank you!
Thank you for being so honest in your blog about your conversations with the scales. I "hear" my scales screaming at me. In fact I don't even need a scale, a mirror works just fine. I know in my head what the Bible says. But I can't seem to believe it with my heart. I have struggled with my weight and body image for as long as I can remember. I have a very close friend who struggles with an eating disorder and I struggle with being overweight. We both hate ourselves and need a godly perspective of ourselves. We can see the beauty in other people, and see the value in other people. But we both continue to feel like inferior, ugly, straight up trash.
I don't know what to do anymore. How do I (we) stop believing the lies the devil screams at us? I know I am not alone. I am starting to realize just how much of a stronghold the devil has on today's women and even little girls. (I know self-image affects men to, but it doesn't seem to be nearly as much as it affects women.)
You're not crazy for saying your "scale talks to you" but honestly I feel like you do know it. The scale (or tight pants, going shopping or a mirror) scream at me too. Prayers would be great right now.
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