Good-bye and So Long

Hello uninvited guest.  It's been a while since you emerged.  I actually thought you were gone.  I had said goodbye to you a long time ago.    

Since you have shown your raw face again, please don't make yourself at home.  You can't stay.    

Don't make yourself comfortable.  You are not welcomed here anymore.

You see...once you came to live when I wasn't looking.  You made quite a little nest in my heart.  You took up residence.  You anchored deep.  

But you were not invited.  You wedged your way in.  And I don't like you.  

Your words hurt.  I have allowed you to say things that do damage.  

Please.Stop.Go.

Please take your hater-aide somewhere else.  Take away your spewing words that destroy.

Even though I can see my hand prints impressed in your frame, they will not call my name.
  
The fact that you will miss me is not enough to keep you near.  You lie.  

What has changed you ask?  I got stuck in this truth.....

Psalm 139: 14  "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that fully well."

Listen to this....God created me and my inmost being.  Verse 15 says that my frame, my being was not hidden from Him.  God knew me when I was being formed in my mother's womb.  He knew me as His before I was anything, before I was something, before I was formed, and before I was someone.  

Before...when I was just a substance...God knew me.  

So...knowing that...and understanding what this means makes all the difference.  

You see....you big "ugly" stick... you like to slam my self-esteem with harm.  Now, you will not have a presence here. Not in my heart or mind.  Nope, not welcomed.  No permits issued.  I don't belong to you.  I belong to God.  I am His.

You have caused enough pain.  It's time for new beginnings..for some heart repair to begin.  

I am loved.  
I am loved by the One who creates.  
I am loved by the Only One who cared about me before I had breath.  
I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I am wonderful! 
I am loved by the One who knows a perfect love.

Hey Big Stick, cruelty and God's wonderful don't mix.  And honestly I want all of God's wonderful I can get.  

There is no room for you anymore.  End of story...you big-stick-in-the-corner-of-my-mind that I have been carrying around for years to pulverize.   

Good-bye.  And so long.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  

Here's some great news....so are you.

Chubs club

"Dear Mr. Scale, can I be honest with you for a moment? Our together times really don't do much for me. I actually dread our appointments. And when you bring your friend Miss tape measure, well she really does a number on me."

I.hate.this. Have you ever had a conversation with your bathroom scale?

Maybe I am a tad insane, as a gold-star member of the Chubby club, but mine actually talks back. There have been so many weeks when I walked away with so many weighty disappointments. I foolishly thought the scale would give me some good news, as if my tight pants weren't enough of an indicator that I had taken in more calories than I expended for the week.

So why did I weigh faithfully? Why did I submit to it's mental abuse, when at the end of our encounters, I walked away ashamed?

My love hate relationship is probably something you won't understand. 

It's my chubby mentality. 

I have looked at these measuring tools as if they were the enemy, when as they sneer and judge me.  They torment and remind me of my failures. At one point in our long-term relationship, I actually gave one the boot in hopes to break it's lurking judgmental jeers. It's hate-laced accuracy didn't weigh me with grace or mercy. 

What I truly hate is that stole my self-worth. 

Perhaps I am tad insane.

In this journey of losing weight, I confess that I have let my measurements, both around and down, plus the tipping-the-scale-poundage define who I am. I fell into the trap of letting the scale write my attitude and darken my opinion of myself. My self-esteem rose and fell with the numbers. 

This chubs was defeated daily from an inanimate object. 

One day God asked me a question..."Why do you look at the scales view of you over My view of you?" 

That knocked me to my knees. I swallowed hard as I swallowed His hard truth. 

With tears of confession, God's healing forgiveness released the demanding dictatorship of that dumb-black-idol that only cared about my numbers. It was on that day I stopped being a hater of the tools that only marked God's beauty program through me. 

I still have regret about so much time wasted hanging on to the up-and-down numbers on the display, but this second time around I am putting less emphasis on man-made measurements..

...hanging my heart on God's measure of me.

Ps. 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." 

When I put myself down, while standing on the scale, measuring my middle or looking at my reflection, I am discounting God's wonderful works. God has made all things beautiful, including me and you who might be reading this. Read the above verse again.

God's works are wonderful, there's no chopped liver mentioned here.

Do you have a love or hate relationship with the scale?