Better said, I have been sabatoging my own peace with my over-accomplishing ever seeking dream hungry heart. I've been expecting too many changes, expecting too many results quickly and I have not been willing to let go of some old habits.
These realizations are God's answer to my wanting to be a better writer.
I might be tapping into why God has placed the word freedom on my heart for this year. Perhaps God wants to show me what it means by His freedom standards.
My verse for the word freedom is defined by John 8:31-32, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." The only way to live in freedom as a child of God, is to use God's truth as my standard for daily living.
Good changes take time, new habits take practice and we need more practice at changing.
Today, God reminded me that just doing one thing is important as doing many new things, but it's how I am being in the midst of change that matters too.
In essence, He wants to have a whack at my rules list so that I can apply His freedom to my life.
Here's where it hurts...God is asking me to let go of somethings to define and refine. I've been a little resistent in that department of focus.
"How about we just focus on consistency, let's look at what you spend your time on..."~God
.....(not giggling) I waste a lot of time don't I? ~ me
You know why I don't want to focus? Because I am afraid.
To focus on developing God's voice that He has created me with, I will have to spend less time reading other well written blogs and letting God fine-tune my writing voice. I might have to break up with my own blog consistentcy to bring more consistency to different projects.
In doing this I am afraid I will lose you. If I disappear here, will you care?
"When will you let me promote you?" ~ God
When I let you have control of what I hold so tightly. ~ me
"Look at what you spend your time on..." ~God
....(not giggling) I thought those were the blog rules? ~ me
Jesus came with one purpose, He was born for one mission. He came to earth as a baby to die for the sins of the world. He was virtually invisible for 30 years until it was time for Him to build His audience. But the years up to His destined start of His well known ministry, He was practicing and still "about His father's business."
God is defining my word for 2014, freedom, in a new way for being a better writer.
You don't know this about me, but letting God inspire me is a one of my deep prayers. I don't want to mess up my new found freedom in writing.
Maybe change is hard for you when making them, you will have to give up something that is comfortable or a habit, to improve whatever resolution you want to accomplish.
Maybe you need more...
energy for exercise
relationships that build you up
or less time spent on
relationships that tear you down
filling in the empty hours on the Internet
making unhealthy food choices
Maybe you need to stop some things, so that God can redifine your somethings.
There's power in the One that does the changing and coming to the start line with no expectations except one. Focus on His changes.
Immediate freedom to me means, no rules. According to my godly standard, the Bible, there are all the "rules" I need. My freedom is dependent on obeying what God has already written to be about His business and making it mine. And this freedom is limitless when I do it God's way.
I guess I have been submitting to my own preconceived list of rules when it comes to writing thinking I have to blog a certain number of posts to keep you interested or encourage your faith walk. Perhaps I have thought to be a better writer, there was a magical time of the day to write my best works. Perhaps, I thought that I would have more followers by now.
Perhaps I need to focus more on His developing a writing voice, His workmanship to let Him prepare me for the good works that God has already planned out. Perhaps I should let go on striving to be a be better writing, and let God transform my writing voice according to His freedom.
This may mean that I will have to stop some things, for God to start some things.
God is bigger than what your change will require of you, God is big enough to handle your imperfect progress.
I can't say it any easier than that. I haven't been putting enough of my own rules on God's changing table. I am easily distracted with my perceptions of what this should look like.
I have lost sight of what this area of freedom should look like.
Have I told you lately that I might be a little ..um...self-diagnosed defficiant in the focus department?
Are you overwhelmed with your new changes you are trying to make? It's almost 10 days into your start overs, and it seems it was easy to start a change but by now its getting a little difficult.
....not giggling...I know how you feel. I am having to make changes to my focus too.
By now, it should have gotten easier
Or it shouldn't feel so awkward
Or it would just come naturally by now
Or that you would see better or more results from your change
Or that your expectations would be met sooner because you have planned it for so long.
Perhaps the harder you are trying to perfect your changes, more your imperfection comes to light. After all, you came crashing into this new year with your motivational engine all revved up to make big dent in your life improvement projects with the best of intentions.
Maybe I might be going at this freedom gig just a little to fast, skipping over the old comfortable habits I need to let go of and giving my new redefined writing freedom some more patience.
Or maybe, just maybe I need to let there be some voids in my life, so that God can fill them with His freedom.
I'm afraid of the gaps that might happen here, the gaps in action, the gaps in vision, the gaps in God's plan, the gaps of silence. The gaps in God advancing His plans for me, gaps in my freedom.
Ooooh..how this hurts to be so honest with you. And there you have it...another area of trust for me. And letting God have a whack at my rules regarding freedom. Guess what? John 8: 31-32 says if I stick with God's teaching I will be free.
Let God redefine what your word or changes are for this year, and then depending on what He is telling you, stick with it. It's hard to break what is established in us for so long, but it's not impossible when we focus, hustle, and apply it to our lives.
Stick with it, God wants to redefine you and show you some changes to set you free. Let go of the things that are weighing you down so that you can enjoy this journey.
When it comes to making changes, remember your focus, remember your mission, remember that God is bigger than what you are leaving behind.