I don't wear mascara because I can cry at the drop of a hat. Like as long as it takes you to snap your fingers...yup.... just like that. Brent thinks I should end it right here. Some say my tears are blessing. I say they are a burden. My burden is a heart condition for the lost. That's a whole new post. Today I have tears of regret. This morning I remembered a hard time in my life that has left me with regret. Years ago, my brother-in-law committed suicide. Here come the tears...seriously. It was a bad situation with a lot of details that don't matter now. The point is he's gone. We believe he is in Heaven.
He chose to end to his life. This is difficult to right. You see, he had a family that loved him. He even had a new baby on the way. He made a choice on what he thought was reasonable at the time. My only conclusion is that he felt or believed that his choice didn't matter. That he didn't matter. This is difficult to write.
This brings me to tears because I have regret. Did he really believe that he didn't matter? I don't know. That fact that I don't know breaks my heart. Didn't anyone tell him that he was loved? I wish I could now. Did he understand that he was made in God's image? Did he know that he was a gift, that he mattered?
Here's your charge for today, tomorrow and the rest of your life here on earth. You matter. Other's matter. Tell them. Don't live with the regret of not saying it, I love you...you matter.
6 comments:
Janelle, that is so touching. I can understand part of it. We had a young man working for us that committed suicide a few years ago. My husband had led him to the Lord not very long before it. He was such a sweet person and we had no idea he was hurting like that. We also believe that he is in heaven. I DO wear mascara but it is WATERPROOF!!!! :)) Thank you for sharing.
Janelle,
I cry at the drop of the hat, and well, your post made me cry. I had a brother who took his own life when he was 18. (I was 19 at the time). God blessed me with the last 3 days of his life and I got to say all those things that you would want to say before someone dies. I lived with anger and regret for so long. Angry that what I said didn't seem to matter(he had attempted already so I knew he was hurting) and regretful because he had been with me that day and because I had a date that night, I just HAD to get him home to my Mom's. What if I hadn't rushed him home? He was fine when I left him. He promised to call me the next day. So many what ifs!
It's been 19 years and I have given all my regrets, anger, and pain to God on this one. I still don't quite understand why but there is one thing I do understand and that is that God is Good no matter what and that his love never fails.
Thanks for Sharing!!
All my life, I've been called sensitive. At times, I've been called 'too' sensitive. I cry at stuff...even at stuff the so-called average person doesn't. Ok, I'm a bit sensitive and cry.
A couple of examples: Where some may do for others without having their hearts in it; I have, at times, struggled with doing for others while my heart breaks and screams to help/serve others, yet still, regrettably letting some of those opportune moments 'to serve' pass by. These regrettable moments provide a healthy stream of my own tears.
Then, on the other hand, as I write this; I am in a season of being pruned -- and sensing the Wow and Ow of it all. Since my trip to DR with you (and the others) last summer; surely, I've grown some visible spiritual fruit within myself that has been extremely joyful to experience.
Now, however, I've painfully been dealing with this unexpected lack of zeal and joy that I gained from our mission trip. And although it's painful AND brings about another stream of tears... they're tears of joy. Why? Because I know that our Father is pruning me for a better fruitful season to come. It's not the same as regrettable tears; thus, the WOW of it all - even though the OW of it all is present. But, they're tears nonetheless.
Crying isn't a bad thing. In fact, I believe they have the same healing power as laughter. Having the privilege of getting to know you, having served with you, having laughed with you and having even cried with you; there is NO doubt in my mind that You indeed matter. Thank you for reminding us that we matter too. (ok, more tears.)
What a gift you have to bring others closer to Christ by the transparency of your heart-felt writing... whatever you do, don't stop writing.
I'm Lloyd, your friend and brother in Christ - and I too cry and I too, do not wear mascara. :)
Janelle, I to 'Don't Wear Mascara'!! I cry listening to music, praying and hearing stories in the news everyday. I asked the Lord why did you make me so sensitive but I guess it is for a reason. I mentioned it to my younger sister and she said that it is cleansing me but I told her that is all the time so it couldn't be just that.
My daughter wanted to sing a certain song in church one time and had me listen to it at the store first. When she rounded the corner to where I was standing with the headphones on, I was crying and she told me after I finished that was the confirmation she needed to buy the track and sing it.
The only thing I can think of is that my SPIRIT is crying for all the lost souls and wanting them to find their way to Christ! I think the song "I Cry out for Jesus" really does hit home for me because "I Cry Always and Forever". I do not ever want to stop if it means bringing someone to the Knowledge and Love of Christ!
Thank you posting this blog and may God Bless you in every area of your Life and Ministry!
I am so blessed by your willingness to let God turn something so horrible into such a lesson. Hes been workin on me in this area... thank you for being willing to let God use you!
Hi Janelle, My names is Davon and I also do not wear mascara. I cry very easily and have been called 'too sensitive' at times as well. I to am a born again christian. The most important person in my life is Jesus and pleasing Him. God Bless you for sharing. It helps to know that there are other folks out there who are like me in some ways. Thanks you.
P.S. Awesome space shuttle shot! :)
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