Monday, November 18, 2013

What I wrestle with

Photo credit:  Cindee Snider Re
I wrestle with me most days.  I cause my own tension.  I strive to be better instead of giving myself more grace.

I wear myself thinking about it.   I wear on my own last nerve.

I vacillate between empathy and complacency.  I care about caring too much.  I care about caring too little.

I wrestle with loving the me who God created.  I wrestle with contentment.  I wrestle with me and my thoughts.

I face my own humanity and come up blank.

With my hands being full of dreams, I don't have time to wrestle actually, I just want to move on.

I wonder if that was how Paul felt when he wrote Romans 7:15  "I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

Paul wrestled with his sin like the rest of us.  That is comforting to me in a way that he admitted in public for the rest of sinful humanity to read.  

It would be truthful to say we all wrestle with our faults, failures, and inadequacies.  

How could confession really be helping though?  Well, one thing is that I'm not alone in this.  

I wrestle with boldness and bravery.  Can the two get confused?

I wrestle to being open with you.  I still fear that you will throw the first stone.

I wrestle with the naysayers, or maybe just one.

I wrestle with  myself.  And don't win most days.

There's hope though because I know this is a transforming process, and I'm becoming more of what God has created me to be.  And as I peel back the layers of my heart to you, we can discover God's truth together.

My sin is always close to the surface.  But what's bigger is that God's character is based on His perfect grace.  

Grace trumps sin.
His Grace trumps my sin.  
Every time.  
Every day.  
Every mess up.  
Every failure.  
Every fault.
Every inadequacy.
Every wrestling match.

I've decided that I will let Grace pin my wrestling moves.  I have distanced myself from the temptations that I tend to wrestle with.

Why even try to think that you can overcome them on your own?  I can't.  Maybe this true for you too.

Flirting with sin and resisting it is not my idea of a good relationship.  

Let's be in this Grace match to win it shall we?
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