Spiritual stretch marks

Photo cred:  Kerri Weems

Have you ever had those days where it feels like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed?  The very first person that looks at you the wrong way, only makes you want to crawl into a hole and sleep for a long winter's nap?

Everyone has those days.  Outside of coffee cheering you up quickly I have only had one remedy that works effectively.  Stepping outside your comfort zone from the fear of man and step into a deepened fear of the Lord.  When everything on the inside feels undone, and it's been hours since you laughed out loud, and there is something gnawing on the inside that keeps you worn thin, you have to take action.

Every edge of me was frazzled and frayed.
  

No one likes change.  It's hard, uncomfortable and awkward.  God has changed my perspective on change however.  For me it is more uncomfortable my bury head in the sand.  I would rather attack a problem and deal with it to move past the issue.  God has shown me that His changes are always for my own good and are great opportunities to trust Him more with the places in me that still need a touch of His grace.

I've been the lady who just needed to touch the hem of robe of Jesus.  Spiritually speaking I needed some healing from a low-self esteem that was fed by some false humility.  I'd been wearing myself out a little over the years. Oh I wish we could swap stories and trophies about the things we've learned in the past year.

Ok, I'll start...

Perhaps it's because the dark times, the parts of our hearts that God hasn't touched yet that makes me appreciate the breakthroughs. We all have negative emotions from the past. Once we let go of those emotions, they are supernaturally redeemed and pave the way for the new fresh positive emotions. Perhaps it's in our sadness that God gives us His joy that is only complete when there is such a deep need for it.

New life in your spirit is where you need a makeover. And stretching you out of your comfort zone can bring a fresh filling of God's Spirit. When we look at our own needs through the lens of someone else's God brings a healing that you never knew you needed.

I write what I wrestle with. So journaling helps to sort out my uncomfy thoughts and lay them before the God, who waits with anticipation for us to release our grip on them. Is your past occupying too landscape in your thoughts?  It can do that so easily.

Our hearts are like layers that peel away slowly. This might be uncomfortable to talk about but what I know about comfort zones are they make good festering places for bitterness and unforgiveness bury deep and cover up a lot of guilt and shame.  

Growth takes place in the areas we allow God's healing to enter in.

How long have you been standing on those hills, those hills that feels like a part of you died on? God doesn't leave anything left for dead. He regenerates and restores. He renews and refreshes. God has already taken your place on that hill, stood in for you against your past to get you past those pebbles, stones, or even boulders that keeps tripping you. Only Jesus can bring an avalanche of grace and mercy forth to let all those negative thought patterns slide away.

Let the Spirit breathe truth and new life into those parts that still need the light of His love. What I know about God's love is that it is the most comfortable place you can go and there is always growth where love is sown.

I don't know where you are in all of this. We all have our pasts, we all have been hurt, and some of us have no one to turn to as trusted support that will hear your story. You may be fighting it hard today in pressing back the dark. Maybe you have been afraid to confront your past because it hurts too much. Maybe you just need a good nap. But there is someone reading this right now that needs to know that when you look at your past through the lens of God's unfailing love He will show you not the hurts you have suffered but the places where he wants to heal you to the depths that only HE knows you need.

God is not our accuser.   He is our Healer.

A year ago I prayed a simple prayer that reversed a lot of negative to become a whole lot of positive. This past year has been one full of spiritual stretch marks. And the knowledge I've gained isn't really about how I've learned but how I have applied the disciplines.  Living free a deep spiritual knowledge has brought me long the way in my healing. It took a lot of courage to get outside of myself to take a long hard look.

God has all the courage we need to make His greater changes. Courage is basic to living free and is composed of three parts - fierce hope and fearless faith and God sized love that takes our breathe away.

How do you start this kind of ripple effect that can propel you out of your state of feeling stuck and momentum towards God in a positive way? You simple lay your soul before God and ask how you need to change. In praying that you are opening yourself up to what takes more of the Holy Spirit to accomplish.  The Holy Spirit has been waiting to have His way in you. You have to make the first move to step out to find out. If you have to, even use your hands to reach out, stretching them towards heaven.

There is a part in a movie "The Croods" that hits me every time. If you haven't seen this movie, watch it. It's all about breathing in courage and conquering one fear one step at a time. The story line is of a  caveman family where the dad leads a survivalist trek across unknown territory with a courage he needed but never knew he had until he had to use it to save his family.  He has to go way out of his comfort zone to find it by conquering fears and gaining strength and confidence along the way. His daughter, Eve, has an intense hunger for courage and is a bit of a risk taker.  The part that speaks to me is at the first of the movie where she simply reaches to touch a outside world that she always believed existed.

I like reaching for God's way of courage.

We all have fears, we all have a past, we all are fearful of moving out of our comfort zones. But friends let me tell you it is the best way to live free because what you find at the end of your fear is more courage than you could ever need.  Let your hand reach out to find freedom from the hurts, the words, the pain, and plaguing problems as you reach for God's answers. Don't be afraid and get sucked back into darkness because of doubt that it's not for you too. Breaking free of your past is worth it. Every part of freedom is waiting to reach through from the other side and give you a gentle tug to the heart.

It's one thing to know freedom, but it's a whole new level to live free. Healing is what's quietly waiting for you and comes in the most unsuspecting way. Trusting God with those hurt places lets the breath of God invade your life....breathe in His healing that awaits...take in the light of His love in His living Word.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners." Isaiah 61:1

Letting the Holy Spirit have His way in you is the surest way out of a dark place and receive the light of God's healing.  God will bring more rejuvenation and a joy you've longed for.  

It's running in the rhythm of His grace, His divine tempo for you.  What is stopping you?

There was a day I thought I could mess this up

The process our growing faith is God's delight for His children.

In Philippians 2: 12-13, Paul writes:  "Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. (NLT)

The last year has been a time of transition for me as I moved from my day job to my dreams.  One thing I didn't want to do is get ahead of God or mess up His plan for me.  Like I thought I could mess up His plans (uncontrollable laughter here).  I had to trust in what I didn't know or couldn't see at the time and instead of relying my own strength or try to make sense first.  

Stepping out to find out what God has for you is one of the most challenging things we do as His children.  We are the ones who make it harder than it should be.  We really need to rest more on His capable plans and trust that He is always working for us to benefit our faith and to bear His fruit in our daily lives.    

His grace has has really held me to believing that I can do what He has asked me to do as long as I keep seeking Him in this faith journey.  I also believe that this blog is like a spiritual bandaid.

Doing this process brings healing in many ways.  Research from the University of Texas  states that the art of writing allows people to take a step back and take inventory of their lives. Instead of obsessing unhealthily over an event, some write or journal their thoughts, therefore allowing their focus to move on or forward instead of dwelling on stress, conflict or a traumatic event.

My emotions are processed better on paper and before God.  For me it's the way I apply God's truth to study me and helps me be a doer of the Word, not just a hearer.  My stress levels go down and my spiritual health correspondingly goes up.  

God's biggest desire for us is to bring His wholeness and fullness to our lives.   By seeking God in writing this blog it brings my heart to a place of stepping back to see how God is working out my faith, but also brings a ton of spiritual healing that results in His fullness and wholeness that is added to my life.

I couldn't get that on my own, but only through the work of the Holy Spirit bearing His fruit in me.  You can't mess up God's plans for you, but you can resist His best for you.  Submitting to God, or agreeing that He knows best is always the best way to live.  

God cares as much about our living out of His grace as much as our beginning of faith.  He cares about what He gives his grace to.  It's another reminder that I don't have to figure this grace thing on my own, that He is bearing fruit that only He can give and His grace keeps us from messing up what He already has figured out.  

It all boils down to the attitude of the heart and how we position ourselves before the Father. His grace paves the way, holds us steady and unwavering, and holds us close to protect us along the way.  

I love knowing that grace is something we don’t have to earn, and a gift we can’t lose - even when we blow it.” -Renee Swope, Proverbs 31 Ministries.  I would like to add my own little thought to this great wisdom...a gift we can't lose even when we need more faith to believe.    

How has God surprised you with His grace?

We can't wrap this up

There is one aspect of faith that is really hard to wrap my mind around.  

God's grace, his free unmerited, gift of favor and love.  God's grace processes our faith.

I sat there probably with my mouth agape, tears welling up.  The pastor surprised me with his explanation of living out God's will according to God's grace.  I had never thought about it quite that way.  When seeking God's will in our lives, doesn't a little pat in the wisdom and grace department make our faith more real and alive?  

At least it does for me. 

God has been showing me grace in my days and my dreams.  And along the way I have had an intense desire to know God in such a deeper way.  This desire is burning a hole in my heart.  Oops..my hunger is showing.  

We need God's grace to process our faith.

God's grace opens doors and shuts them.  God's grace goes before us and surrounds us.  It guards our hearts.  His love protects us and keeps our hearts sealed by faith.  God's grace helps us trust and gives us a desire to know God more.

God's grace isn't just given at the time of salvation, it's there for us daily, when we need it most.  His grace shows us His will on how to live, and how to respond in obedience.  It teaches us and disciples us.  It heals us from our past and motivates us forward in our life of faith, and a faith like this pleases God.

God's grace moves us to action to show others grace and kindness.  Grace gives and bears fruit and grows roots in our knowledge of who God is.    

God's grace is hard to wrap your mind around when you put it all together.  Now apply that to your dreams.  

But why should you care about this too?

Because...grace and hope dispel disappointment.  When things, days, details and dreams don't work out like we planned them in our minds, disappointment taps us on the shoulder and reminds us of the Deceiver's lie he wants us to swallow hard.  

He hisses..."I told you God wouldn't come through, you prayed, you did all the right things, you waited, you trusted God with your secrets, you wished and I even saw you shed a few tears in wanting it so much."  

But did God really say that?

No but a deflated dream would.  That falls hard on our faith when disappointment knocks.

But God is the God of hope.  So if you feel disappointed today about whatever and whoever, please know that is not what God wants.  If something didn't work out like you asked God for, it just means there is a purpose for His answers.  And His answers never disappoint.  

People do, but God doesn't.

Romans 5:5  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

There is one thing that God can't do for us, and that is contradict His own character.  Disappointment would be a contradiction of His love, grace, and hope.  God doesn't ditch appointments regarding giving His sons and daughters what they need for them to grow closer to Him.  

God gives us the Holy Spirit to know God's love and grace.  He listens to our hopes, our dreams, knows our thoughts and our prayers.  God has the kind of love for us that expects nothing in return, unlike human love that judges and measures love.  God's agape love denotes an undefeatable benevolence and unconquerable goodwill that always seeks the highest good of the other person no matter what he does.  It is the self-giving love that gives freely without asking anything in return and does not consider the worth of it object.

What kind of love is this?  What kind of God would love us in this manner? 

One who gives grace instead of dishing up disappointments.  Our Perfect God.  

What I wrestle with

Photo credit:  Cindee Snider Re

I wrestle with me most days.  I cause my own tension.  I strive to be better instead of giving myself more grace.

I wear myself thinking about it.   I wear on my own last nerve.

I vacillate between empathy and complacency.  I care about caring too much.  I care about caring too little.

I wrestle with loving the me who God created.  I wrestle with contentment.  I wrestle with me and my thoughts.

I face my own humanity and come up blank.

With my hands being full of dreams, I don't have time to wrestle actually, I just want to move on.

I wonder if that was how Paul felt when he wrote Romans 7:15  "I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

Paul wrestled with his sin like the rest of us.  That is comforting to me in a way that he admitted in public for the rest of sinful humanity to read.  

It would be truthful to say we all wrestle with our faults, failures, and inadequacies.  

How could confession really be helping though?  Well, one thing is that I'm not alone in this.  

I wrestle with boldness and bravery.  Can the two get confused?

I wrestle to being open with you.  I still fear that you will throw the first stone.

I wrestle with the naysayers, or maybe just one.

I wrestle with  myself.  And don't win most days.

There's hope though because I know this is a transforming process, and I'm becoming more of what God has created me to be.  And as I peel back the layers of my heart to you, we can discover God's truth together.

My sin is always close to the surface.  But what's bigger is that God's character is based on His perfect grace.  

Grace trumps sin.
His Grace trumps my sin.  
Every time.  
Every day.  
Every mess up.  
Every failure.  
Every fault.
Every inadequacy.
Every wrestling match.

I've decided that I will let Grace pin my wrestling moves.  I have distanced myself from the temptations that I tend to wrestle with.

Why even try to think that you can overcome them on your own?  I can't.  Maybe this true for you too.

Flirting with sin and resisting it is not my idea of a good relationship.  

Let's be in this Grace match to win it shall we?

The Blame Game - How do you play?

I'm a star player in the biggest blame game known to man.  I seem to get into trouble a lot... or at least it feels like I do.  

Saying I am wrong is not hard for me, in fact I say it too much.  But can I just be honest with you?  Um....wait....I don't know if I can...you might think my heart is puffed up, and my head is even a bigger puffed up.  

Please know this, that I say and do plenty of wrongs, many, many times myself.  This is something that I pray through constantly.  When it comes to seeing my flaws, I see those oh so readily.  When it comes to playing the blame game I am the first one to pick myself and to volunteer for the blame game duty.  And I am insecure and fearful that I am blamed for a lot that I don't even know about.  I am not sure when I signed up for this blame-game-that-kicks-me-in-the-pants-every-day-gig, but I have been in this competition for a long time.  

Wouldn't it be more fun to talk about what I found on sale at the Dollar General store yesterday?  Um....for me it would.

Taking the dangerous path of the blame game can only lead to conflict.  With others and within yourself.  So I have two choices:  

I can take the path of prideful heart and focus plainly and specifically on the faults of others and refuse to have any responsibility in the conflict at all.

Or....

I can take the way of the humble heart and admit that I am wrong when I am wrong.  And not compound my issue of assuming the guilt of others. Believe me I have enough faults of my own, I don't need to carry yours as well.

Yesterday freedom came in this verse.  

Romans 8:1  "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  

If Jesus doesn't blame me for my faults, then why do I condemn me for my faults?  God knows I am a sinful person, that's why He sent Jesus.  So why do I blame myself, or blame others?  Because.... I say to myself..."someone has to take the hit."  God's response was...  "Someone has already taken the hit..."

What I learned in this verse was that I should not be a gamer in any blame.  I can't assign blame.  That's not my job, my job is to love God, act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with Him (Micah 6:8).  If I am loving God first and foremost, then I can bow out of the line of fire when fingers are pointed at myself nor point fingers at others....because God doesn't casts blame.  He doesn't see that in me, he sees me through the filter of blood with Christ's sacrifice on the cross.  Listen....He doesn't cast blame on you either.

Sure,  I can own up to my responsibility in causing a conflict or issue if my behavior has caused it.  Do you see the freedom in God's grace?  With the understanding of this verse and when I'm not a player the blame game, I am giving myself and others a gift.  I am releasing the burden of judgment of the situation/issue/problem to where it belongs...to God...who doesn't casts blame.

So how will I do this?  I will practice this prayer...

"God, your Word says that you do not find condemnation in my sin.  Your Love took that away on the cross.  The work of Jesus was good and final.  So there is no part in me blaming myself or me blaming others that has a part in honoring You.  Show me what to do, with the frustrations that I feel when  something goes wrong.  God please soften my heart so that I can feel your resolutions to anger, frustrations, insecurities and pride.  Help me to cut through the assumptions and wrong thinking that tend to shut me down and apologize excessively.  Help me to honor you in all my actions, words and deeds."

How do you handle blame?

So far apart

My early drive into work couldn't have gotten any better really.  Usually I get to enjoy some holy moments with God listening to my Meredith Andrews CD that is seriously about get worn with my stillness in it 24/7.  Her inspiring lyrics make me tear up a lot actually.  No...seriously it's that good.  And her prayers set to music really resonate with my soul.  

Back to odd picture attached up above.  My story from the road.  As you can see, I am following a fried food carnival wagon boasting a menu of shrimp basket and an unthinkable temptation of a fried snickers, corn dogs and other assorted fried treats.  A typical menu offered with clowns and unique loud barkers who really just want your next dollar.  A familiar summer flair mixed with some county fair mullets...the combinations for  some crazy-good summer memories are quickly born.  This is the great state of Oklahoma people.

Back to the story from the road.  See how easily I get distracted?  Did I ever share with you about the story when God spoke to my heart about overeating and bowing down to food as an idol at a carnival? Yes... that really happened.  I just went back a year ago with every intention of re-writing that post, but after reading it again, I realized that it was transparent enough.  If you ever wanted to find out about a not-so-talked about part of my heart, well read a post called Painted Ponies.

Read it here...Painted Ponies.

Back to today, when my view from the road was the back of that funnel cake wagon, tears started to form as I thought about how far I had come since those Painted Pony days.  Yes, my heart and those days are so far apart.  So far gone are those days that I almost had to pull my black Chevy Malibu over so I could once again praise God for the wonderful work that He has done in my heart.  God knew I needed to follow the carnival wagon.  I needed to able to look at the back of this party barge on wheels and not be tempted nor even want to follow it.  I was a little disgusted at just looking at the words of what the truck was selling.

Oh it reminded me of the good times and the funny memories I have shared with my daughter, who makes the trek to the annual county fair a yearly date circled in red on her calendar.  The back of the truck also reminded me Who I was following. It served as a great reminder of grace.

The story from the road today was a great reminder of God's grace, of his daily graces that He gently gives me to remember the good things that He is doing in me.  I am so thankful I am not riding those painted ponies anymore.  I am so grateful for the strength to look away, and know that I am not following the lustful food desires of last summer.  So grateful for the change that God has done a new thing in my now 128 lb. weight loss.

2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

I am so grateful for God's grace that doesn't give up on me when I seriously wanted to give up on myself and thought there was no way out.  I had given up hope of ever changing.  So glad that God brought the freedom and healing to my heart and removed those painted pony desires.

I could talk to you about this from now unto next week.  Deb knows...she listens to my stories from the road.  In fact, Lynn has been a part of this transformation process from his own success stories.  And who could forget the awesome encouragement of my pink-panted friend Tina.  God has brought some amazing cheerleaders along the way.  Andy, oh yeah...that guy, he always knew that I would get here.  And even though I can't mention all of you here, if you have been one to encourage me, we thank you for believing in what God could do with a willing heart.

God didn't give up on me.  And I am thankful for that today.

I can't forget about the wonderful things that my Wonderful Creator has re-made me into.  I am not a funnel-cake-eating-two-fisted-crazy-go-nuts over chocolate-lovin' girl any more.  No.  I am so far apart from that lifestyle.  So when I follow party food wagons driving down the road on an early morning drive...

well...it's one that I can pass by without another thought about painted ponies.  Tears of gratitude fall softly on my cheeks as I am so far apart from where I was.  But so close to God's grace on a daily basis and that is what I want to follow closely.

Would following a funnel cake truck tempt you?   What are you following?

I dare you to say

There are days then I just have to sigh deeply and think there are just those souls who don't get me...

I wish I could say that I reach out to God every time. But sometimes I forget. First comes complaint, then I throw up my hands, then look to God and wonder.

It's when my heart does wander that I find release to let the criticism go, and I can feel it in my heart that helps let His holy shield rise as I obey Him in thanksliving.

What I find that helps to combat my first complaining is a good old fashioned thanksgiving. In reminding myself of God's goodness, I remember how God has been faithful. I dare myself to remember.

I was reminded of this one Sunday as I was having an out of normal church experience as a guest in another fellowship. The speaker challenged me to give thanks first, as a first fruits part of my prayers for the day.

A first fruit gift to the First Fruit.

"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way:  bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience and joyfully giving thanks to the Father..." ~ Colossians 1: 10 - 12

As I practice this I find that God's favor that rests on my achy heart. And that kind of favor flavor feels kind of good most days. In my obedience to invite Jesus into my day I have more control over my thoughts and speech.  I am giving back to God first fruit, bearing fruitful gratitude of His daily graces.

Did you know that thanksliving would make such a difference? I didn't until I started to discipline myself to be thankful.

Thankfulness is a practice and it takes practice, it doesn't come naturally. You have to fight the tide of discontent to bring it to the forefront of your thoughts. It is a way to invite the friendliness of Jesus behind the enemy lines of battle, and He takes captive each and every one of those complaints that slip into your mind.

I dare you to take this counting-of-graces challenges in your quiet place every day. I dare you to make a list of God's faithfulness and then come away from that list with at least one happy thought.  Make a daily list of His daily graces.

I dare you to come up with at least one.

As I wander more in wonder of what the God of the universe has done for me, I am scrambling for more journals. What I do know is that if I want to see change in my attitude, the change has to begin with me. I have to be the change I would like to see in others.

To bring change I have be changed. To remember the grace of the Lord changes my perspective.

I dare you to start your day with praise and thanksliving, just start ...pound the doors of Heaven down upon your heart.

Life-changing perspective. I dare you.

God Mowed Me Over

There was a season when God taught me some valuable lessons on forgiveness.  It involved a lawn mower, a fence post and whole lot of sweat and tears.  That hot summer day, I was about the business of mowing our yard, my weekly chore.  I didn't want to be there, I never did.  

Because our yard is really renovated pasture grass, there are surprises hidden from time to time, dirt holes, tire tracks, mole mounds and tunnels.  But there was one obstacle that I had forgotten about that was hidden and deeply planted.  It was an old buried and broken steel fence post that had been cemented 3-feet-deep in the yard.     It was barely peeking over the blades of grass.  I didn't notice how close I was mowing next to it, until of course, it was too late.  Thwack!  The mower had a blade-on collision with the post and it stopped my mower cold.  

Hitting that post collided my attitude also.  It stopped right in the middle of my lousy temperament too.  As I was already dreading this chore, now it seemed that my chore list got a little bit longer to complete.  That thwack just forced the mower out of commission for the next 15 minutes.  

"Time to cool off". I told myself.  I had to catch my breath a little.

It seemed my mower was needing some breathing room too.  I walked away to get a cold drink in the house.  One thing I know about mowers when hitting steel posts every other swipe, they like to take a breather before returning to full crank position.  

I swigged down some icy cold water and it helped cool my body down.  But heat rose in my frustrated heart.  Resentment was building as the clock tick-tocked.  The last thing I needed that day was a delay in the finish.  I went back outside to asses the restart-the-mower plan.  I bent over to pull the start cord on the mower.  

Guess what?  Did you know that mowers have a sense of humor?  Deep inside it's grass laden underbelly, that old mower was laughing hysterically at me for taking such a short breathing break.  "In your dreams Jack!"  Suddenly it was shouting "hands off"!!!  I failed to see the humor.

I wasn't laughing...I just got more frustrated.  And my frustration was fueled by an escalating anger until I screamed a little.  Where upon, and henceforth, I invited myself to the biggest pity party on the block that day.  

It was a party of two.  Me and God.

I looked down at the problem post and said, "This is all YOUR fault!"  (Can you tell I talk to inanimate objects too much?)  The tip of the fence post just sat there buried, blinking at me with a blank stare.  

And then it happened.   Then God tapped me on my sweaty shoulder and immediately started resolving my resentment. 

"You see that fence post, it's buried like the unyielding bitterness you have buried in your heart.  You have held on to this unforgiving spirit for a while now..it's time to give that to Me.  I have watched you dig resentment, cemented with the deep-seated feelings around your hurts."    

God's gentle tap hit my heart with heavy conviction.  I saw His point.  Yeah, I got it.  I had some more clean-up to do.  As my eyes leaked onto my sweaty tank-top, my heart confessed the error of my ways.  I had been carrying some deeply hidden junk and that day God uncovered and mowed down the tangled, overgrown weeds.  He brought grace and forgiveness into those hardened, buried places.  

This is the part of the story where I tell you that I forgave those on God's agenda and then jumped right up and resumed mowing.  That didn't happen.  I spent some time crying, forgiving, and listening to God.  I was also  "mowed down" by my Creator who cared enough to put a fence post in my way, so I would be stopped by it, so He could give me a life-long lesson in forgiveness   

I took notes that in God's forgiveness school.  My grassy knees were imprinted with visible outlines of weeds pressed in as I pressed into God's grace and let the tears flow.  It seems my heart needed a pressure valve, and once the explosion of tears was over, there was peace and a light feeling in my spirit.  

No more heaviness, no more shame, no more blame.   

God didn't intend for us to carry the burden of an unforgiving spirit. It will hold you captive and bind you up tighter than a straight jacket. So if you have some resentment in your heart, let God tap your shoulder and mow you over with His wonderful gift of grace! We serve a God who commands us to forgive, over and over.  Yes, even that person you are thinking of right now.   Jesus taught us to forgive with the finest example of asking the Father to forgive those who put him on the cross.  He didn't turn a blind eye to our wrongdoings or injustices, nor did He let anger fester in His heart.  He freely gave the gift of forgiveness and releasing us from guilt.  

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

Not forgiving someone poisons our soul and taints our relationships. I need forgiveness on a daily basis....sometimes minute by minute. God freely gives forgiveness and so should I.  So should you. 

Who do you need to forgive today?  From one mower to another, there is God's grace to help you dig out those deeply planted "posts" in your life.

My Lender Be

Couldn't we all use a hug of grace?

 

They filed in one by one.  So politely and obedient with their manners packed in the pockets.  Grace was showing.  The children were so excited for VBS day as their smiles gave it away.  Surely they had experienced a Vacation Bible School day before.  Surely...it was obvious that some of them knew of Grace.

On the other end of the room something else was showing.  The tears gently fell as my heart was easily moved.  I leaned into my friend's shoulder and whispered..."How easily our hearts are lent to the things of God."  She nodded silently.  She was moved too.

There was something about their faces that moved me.   It doesn't take much to move my heart in the compassion-mission things of God.  It seems that mine is so easily lent and bent on loving kids.  "May this heart's mission never move."  Then it hit me....I had prayed for them.

Jesus had a deep compassion for people.

His heart was easily lent to love.  His ministry was easily bent on compassion.

In the three short years Jesus dispensed more grace-filled ministry than a church ever thought of, or could plan for.  More than a world wide partnership could ever reap, or the globe could contain.  His heart was and is bigger than all of that.  So when my heart crumbles a little while watching the innocent file in...I shouldn't be surprised.  I had prayed for this bending of my heart.

I pray for His lending.  I pray for His spending.  

As His follower I have to keep praying my eyes  to be open to see the broken, the oppressed, those that need a hand.  And most days God will bring someone to mind to pray for or bring a crossed path to help, or spur a written note or message.  That is an answer that God will always answer with a face or a name.

Couldn't we all use a love touch from Jesus?  Couldn't we all use a touch of  grace  and compassion?

I think back about those precious faces filing in with true joy and it reminds me of His love-bending grace that He gave me from the One who lent His blood.  Even before grace was spent.  Even before my "I need a Savior" prayer. 

Even before....I had prayed for Him to bend down and spend some grace on me.

How could I turn a cold heart to the hurting?  How can I become calloused to the crying?  How could I not be moved by such a single loving Heart?
 

Jesus was moved.

"When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."  Matthew 9:36

May I be like the Gentle Shepherd, the Lender of love.

And may my heart be always bent on the things above.
May this be my never ending prayer,
to be the lender of His great love.

Oh the Wonder of God's great love for each of us!

 

Just Maybe Out of Your Clutter

Whew...out of the clutter of 2012, I am finding simplicity.  Out of the clutter of my mind being weighted with 30 extra pounds, I can see things more clearly.  Out of the clutter of trying to have many prayer filled conversations at one time, God is helping me see Him more clearly.

Out of the clutter of my heart...with so much...left to do here, 

I have a bigger awareness of God.

I start most conversations with the phrase "there are so many words I could say."  That's because I have I have about 10 conversations going on in my mind at once while at the same time about 20 conversations going on in my heart.  It's a clutter issue.

Let me back this cluttered blog conversation up.

Perhaps you noticed this blog has taken a serious tone for the worse or maybe you have noticed an improvement for the better.  And speaking of personally, God has narrowed the cluttered writing field down to one purpose.  My posts will be fewer each week, but hopefully (wishfully thinking) more meaningful.

2013 needs to be the year I get my hands dirty with the book(s) I want to write.  I have failed at my writing goals from last year.  I am overwhelmed with the idea of sharing my clutter with you.

It took a deep breath.....and lots of cluttered guts to just tell you that.  

This doesn't come easy for me.

What goals have you failed at or want to get your hands dirty with?  (My thoughts coming on dirty hands coming later...yes a tease to keep you coming back).

Take a look at your clutter from last year. Maybe, just maybe, your perspective of who God is and what kind of clutter you need to muddle through or get rid of, or better yet...change will come to mind.  

Maybe you will just notice the next sunset and think about your own clutter.  That's a bright spot in this post isn't it?  

"Out of clutter, find simplicity.  From discord find harmony.  

In the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity."  ~ Albert Einstein

I am excited about the 2013 year of clutter change.  There will be good clutter...full storms that God will bring this year.  As I pray for His best how can I NOT be excited about my clutter-free changes that are coming?

Dear God....bring the clutter!  I want to be YOUR BEST!  

Not perfect, just Your best.  You, of all, know what changes I need to make, and what changes are best for me.  And God, as you bring my clutter to the forefront, bring your wonderful grace to help me accept the difference.  

I am desperate to see God's grace in my own clutter.

Just maybe, you want changes for yourself.  Let me tell you, with the beginning of a fresh new year, full of potential, full of promise, full of God, full of a clutter free lifestyle...full of God's grace..... that is a great place to start.  Just maybe, today is the day you want to make one change.  

Just one.  Just start with one. 

Do you realize that by changing one thing a month you will have made 12 changes for a whole year by the end of 2013?  Just maybe... you can take a look at change in the midst of your own clutter.

Change for God's best will change you and it will bring life change.  Just start with one.  

Just start with the One.  

Five Minute Friday {Courage}

Ever feel like you need more courage?
Yeah...me too.

"But He said to me, 

My grace is sufficient for you, 
for my power is made perfect in weakness.'

Therefore....

I will boast 

all the more 

gladly about 

my weaknesses, 

so that Christ's 

power may 

rest on me."  

2 Corinthians 12:9

We all have our

weakness, inefficiencies,

struggles, hurdles,

sins, temptations,

thorns, and 

broken places.

It's not easy... ever.

But God...

will give us what we need

by His love and grace 

to get through and over

and around

our broken places, if we ask.  

God has all the courage I need.

His courage is unlimited.  His courage is enough.

"A Place For Sinners, Not a Museum For Good People"

Thorny places

I liked the slogan of the church as soon as I saw it the Sunday service notes.  We settled into worship and it was obvious right away that the worship leader had spent some time with Jesus.  He worshiped too.

When it came time for the message, the pastor shared the exact same verse I had just read that morning.  I thought to myself...wow..that's cool!  Paul's writings have long stirred me ..and still do.  The more I understand the depth of Paul's circumstances in which he did most of his writing, the bigger fan I am of his style.  If anyone needed mercy, Paul did.   

The pastor shared about Paul's weakness with the thorn in his life.  Paul never mentions exactly what it was that caused him pain or irritation.  But in 2 Corinthians 12:7 - 10, Paul shares.....

"Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that..."

And how did God answer Paul's cries for thorn-removal?  God left it right where it was planted deep in Paul's soul.  God's answer came in the form of mercy...

"My grace is enough; it's all you need. 

My strength comes into its own in your weakness. "

Did you get that?  Please re-read ...

I have a thorn...we all do..

Whatever your "thorn" is right now...your answer is God's grace.  Whatever you feel weak in...God's strength will come in and make it strong.  Struggling with a failed attempt?  God meets that with His strength and grace.  Feeling like you can't go on another day?  God won't leave you lacking when you ask Him for His grace.  Grace is complete and fills in all the cracks.

Wait...you say you have something that is impossible to get past?  

Your circumstances are ruined for all of time?  

You have crossed the line this time and there is no going back?

  

You have a fear the size of a  professional football field lodged in your throat and you can't see God's work for the giant crocodile tears that are constantly in your eyes and heart?

Yeah...I know...me too.

When I heard God's answer to my weakness, how it was simple and enough, I was a bawling mess of flesh in the pew on that Sunday.  

Really God...how could it be that simple?  How?

"My grace is enough; it's all you need. 

My strength comes into its own in your weakness. 

I am your portion and in YOUR weakness, I will use YOU..."

Talk about a waterfall of grace...gushing into my heart.  Wow..

The pastor's message was God's cheerleader encouragement that I needed to kick my football field sized fear-filled dream to the goalpost and say "touchdown".  Well...honestly...I have a hard head so..it will take a couple more reviews of the playbook to fully sink in.

But it was definitely a direct word from my God who knows my fear and has teamed it up with His grace and strength.  I know that he wrote the playbook, so there is no contest to consider.  He has all I need to make what He has asked me to do complete and enough.  

To me it's a God-sized challenge, but all I need to do is suit-up.  

When I am faint from practice, I will be met with enough promised grace.  

When I am frustrated beyond words, His cheers will shout hope to continue.

When I bring my "I-can't-attitude" to the field, He will meet me with A-string of "I-cans!"

When I am faint from not getting it right, He will bring me strength in my weakness.

When I am met with the empty blinking white screen ...He will give me all I need.  

Not just enough, but all that I need.  

God knows my needs better than anyone.  As I swallow hard and move forward I know, even my weakest and most broken places, those are even valuable to God.  It's in those thorny-hard-to-figure-out-the-answer places that he will bring His mercy.  I can trust Him to provide the grace and strength he has promised as He sees fit.  He's not running out of grace-laced-plays yet as I submit to His plan.  Wow....  

So...you want to know the name of the church?  Mercy Church, Sioux Falls, South Dakota.