What I wrestle with

Photo credit:  Cindee Snider Re

I wrestle with me most days.  I cause my own tension.  I strive to be better instead of giving myself more grace.

I wear myself thinking about it.   I wear on my own last nerve.

I vacillate between empathy and complacency.  I care about caring too much.  I care about caring too little.

I wrestle with loving the me who God created.  I wrestle with contentment.  I wrestle with me and my thoughts.

I face my own humanity and come up blank.

With my hands being full of dreams, I don't have time to wrestle actually, I just want to move on.

I wonder if that was how Paul felt when he wrote Romans 7:15  "I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

Paul wrestled with his sin like the rest of us.  That is comforting to me in a way that he admitted in public for the rest of sinful humanity to read.  

It would be truthful to say we all wrestle with our faults, failures, and inadequacies.  

How could confession really be helping though?  Well, one thing is that I'm not alone in this.  

I wrestle with boldness and bravery.  Can the two get confused?

I wrestle to being open with you.  I still fear that you will throw the first stone.

I wrestle with the naysayers, or maybe just one.

I wrestle with  myself.  And don't win most days.

There's hope though because I know this is a transforming process, and I'm becoming more of what God has created me to be.  And as I peel back the layers of my heart to you, we can discover God's truth together.

My sin is always close to the surface.  But what's bigger is that God's character is based on His perfect grace.  

Grace trumps sin.
His Grace trumps my sin.  
Every time.  
Every day.  
Every mess up.  
Every failure.  
Every fault.
Every inadequacy.
Every wrestling match.

I've decided that I will let Grace pin my wrestling moves.  I have distanced myself from the temptations that I tend to wrestle with.

Why even try to think that you can overcome them on your own?  I can't.  Maybe this true for you too.

Flirting with sin and resisting it is not my idea of a good relationship.  

Let's be in this Grace match to win it shall we?

When you don't have what it takes

Do you doubt that you have what it takes to make in this world?  To really make a name for yourself?

Do you have moments like this when you feel inadequate?  To be the best spiritual leader in your home?  Or that you got in the wrong line when God was passing out talents?

These kinds of doubts just don't do much for me and my confidence level.  All these feelings are bumping into some hard, sore places in my heart.  My pastor tells me that the source of these feelings of inadequacies come from unfair criticism, unrealistic compliments and unwise comparisons.

When you feel like you don't have what it takes to make it, you're right.  

What it takes is your heart to surrender to God's view of you.  

God's view of you is different than your view of you.
God has given you more than you think to accomplish more than you think.
It's less about you more about God.  It's less about you, MORE about God.
Repeat.

Don't insult God by saying you don't have what it takes.  God has what it takes to work wonders through you.  For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.  Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)

If we believe we are made in God's image, and that he makes all things new, then how can we call ourselves unworthy or inadequate if God is living on the inside of us?  God is not inadequate and when we find our identity in Him, we will never be inadequate.

But man...I sure don't feel like a masterpiece.

Believe this truth...you are God's masterpiece.  It doesn't matter that you feel it or not.  This is not a soft and tender feel good message, this is a life-changing message.  If my identity is written by the author of Life, then I am His masterpiece.  Don't let the feelings of inadequacy, or failure, or doubt tell you that you are not valuable or that you don't have a place in God's heart.  You have what it takes if you are a believer and a follower of Jesus Christ.

You have the where-with-all to do the "whatever" that is gnawing on your heart right now.  The "thing" you only dream about but can't say...You have what it takes because God has all it takes.  God will consistently, and lovingly, guide you to the exact place he needs you to be right now, so that He can write His story of beauty in you.  He can bring beauty from your pain.  He can craft comfort in you to share with others.

You have in you what God wants for you...do you want what God wants?  You don't need enough faith to finish, only to start.  God wants to perfect your faith by writing His  beauty in your life.

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness."  2 Peter 1:3

By His divine power...He gives us our worth. 
He has given you everything you need....
Jesus is all I need for this life.
Not just to have what it takes, but to be His greater.  To touch holiness and godliness.
God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called.  
And it's by the name of Jesus are we called...  

It's "National-Hop-On-It" Day!

2012 Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Champion - Joey Chestnut

Joey Chestnut won the 2012 Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Championship "Blowout". He said the hardest part of the contest was the eating the "first hot dog and the last." I guess once you get in the groove of cramming processed meat and soaked hot dog buns down your gullet
you don't notice how gross it is. Needless to say I could never participate in that contest.

He has won this championship six years in a row. There was a point in his life when he started.

Is there something you’ve been wanting to do but have never quite got around to it? Do you have half-finished projects from Pinterest sitting around calling your name?

I do too.
Let's see...There's that running plan I need to start.
A new diet plan on Monday, and every perpetual Monday after.
Writing that thank you note.
Making that adorable craft you found on Pinterest.
Printing those pictures stuck in your camera.
Encouraging someone.
Serving at church.
Finishing those ten books from last summer.
Yeah...me too. All of it.

My reality is I have started all of these and want to complete all of these all at the same time. And you know what? I have failed.

I want to finish reading one book. Just one, because I have started ten.

I have a three writing projects circulating in my brain.  I need to get them out. I’ve been wanting to do that for months. I keep thinking, “I want to write that.”

I have Africa pictures on my camera still...from last October.

But my wanting something to happen and my actually making it happen are immensely seperated by my real chasm in the middle.

Starting is exciting to me. Casting vision is invigorating. It fuels.  But committing to start something and taking the first step drains me.  So.....why can't I start? 


Because....I don't want to stop.

I have found that it's impossible to get out of the rut of my already busy schedule and add something else. For me it’s hard to start something new, when I have so many unfinished tasks on the list.

So, instead of starting on my list, I just keep thinking about them. When I keep thinking about all the unfinished ideas...my mind gets cluttered. I want to give up. I become overwhelmed, the list becomes complicated and then I shut down. I basically fall into the trap of "I just can't".

The end of my day arrives and I will see reminders of my failures in piles. On the couch, on my desk, on the floor, and I will go to bed thinking about how another day has rolled by without me getting started.

So....how can I turn this around? I am declaring this National-Hop-On-It-Day!

I am going to pick one thing I want to finish today. It's a small task like writing a thank you note. So...are you in?  Can you choose one thing you want to do and then do it? I’ll be here.

For larger projects, I will break them down into doable daily things so that I keep moving forward. All I need to do is commit to starting...something, is better than nothing.

So are you ready? Set? Go?

Five Minute Friday {Encourage}

You've got mail!

Our words are very powerful and our tongues can either tame or tempt.  

It's one thing to say something nice about a person, 

it's another thing to say something nice to their face.  

Try it sometime.  Encourage someone.  

Encouragement can lift your attitude.  

It can brighten a heart, an inbox or text screen.

It wipes the cobwebs out of your mailbox.  

To be the most effective it has to be shared.  

"No encouragement is discouragement."

Encouragement breathes hope, breeds confidence and brews braveness.

Encouragement quietly whispers yet speaks loudly.

Encouragement can dispel despair, negate failures and divert depression.

It's a salve that can soothe an aching heart.

In courage you can build a trust bridge, 

foster a dream, find self-esteem, energize a soul, 

Encouragement revives, invigorates, rekindles, restores.

Encouragement is free and can be freely given.

Spend a little courage and encourage.

Bless Your Heart!

Ever notice how often we, as Christians, use the word "blessed" in normal everyday conversations?  One lady just told me an amazing story of an answer to prayer.  Wow...is my response...because sometimes God moves Heaven and earth to work out circumstances to make things happen in His grand scheme of our lives.

I just read a post about a miracle that happened in the life of a believer. Ending words were "I am blessed."  I am blessed to have a circle of friends that agree with me in beliefs and in my pursuits.  Yes …. “I am blessed.” 

We are a blessed people.  If you don’t believe me, take a trip to a developing country and see what one day looks like in the life a child who doesn't know where their next meal is going to come from.  That glimpse alone will change you. 

I find that when having faith conversations with others, we tend to connect being “blessed” with only good things that happen in our lives, or the things that go our way.  What about the not-so-good things that happen in our lives?  What about the trials that are sent our way to build our faith?

Those are blessings too.  In your journey and as you faithfully dig your heels in, if you are one who continues to seek God in obedience, in my opinion you are “blessed”.  

We are blessed because we are loved, forgiven, and saved from certain death.

We are blessed because we are God's.
We are blessed because he loved us first.

I am even blessed when I compare my journeys with those who seem to have it all together.  Let me tell you....there is no one who has it all together. 

In my constant need to self-evaluate,

I have found that I breed dissatisfaction.

I tend to focus on those too-good-to-be-true moments in life as the only blessings from God.  I ponder a lot of deep spiritual stuff….and sometimes I ask myself some hard questions.  Questions I don't know the answers to.  When I come up with my blank answer sheet I feel inadequate.

As I uncover the full impact of God’s endless love, I have discovered that being blessed means being close to God.  No matter what current life circumstance is hovering right now, whether it is a one disappointment after another, or one continuous happy occasion.  I am blessed because I am His.  I am blessed in my weaknesses, failures and insecurities.  I have the freedom to run to God without having to clean up before.  I find strength for the desert moments, mercy translates my clumsy words, and I am blessed with joy as my cup of life is filled with change. 

In my journey to God’s wisdom, I realize that all of life is one heaping serving of blessings after another.  Each life portion is a blessed generous helping.   Each problem pile is blessed-filled for my good.  Each lovely and measured circumstance are for His blessed purpose.  I am blessed indeed. 

Psalms 1:1-3 Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.  But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.  He is like a tree planted by streams of water which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.  Whatever he does prospers.

That's a blessed life…that’s beautiful...

Just Rest

You must read yesterday's post ...

I sometimes fight dependence on God like a 14-month-old baby boy before a much needed nap. I don’t share the all worries of my heart with God even though I know He already knows what they are and I know that He really cares about me. In my own self-reliance I am humbled in the awareness that I need Him desperately to just breathe.

I feel like if I am honest with you and with God, I am letting everyone down. But… as His strength is made perfect in my weakness I am being transparent enough to admit that I need God desperately to be me.

Maybe…

…I need to say no to another serving opportunity.

…I need say more words of grace.

…I need to let the dust settle on ideas instead of immediately pushing the launch button.

…I need to take a rest in His Word even more.

…I need to not apologize for my failures.

God, I need rest.

When I’m weary, worn out, and overwhelmed… for reasons that I can’t control or those that I can, I go to God.

God doesn’t grow weary, He doesn’t need rest. God is not the source of my problems but the answer to them. God doesn’t cause my circumstances but He gives me wisdom to journey through them. God doesn’t overwhelm but holds me up when I am.

God is not the originator of the difficult but He serves those times as reminders that I must fall back on His original plan of dependence. His passions are planted deep in my heart…. the cry of the vulnerable and the orphaned, and the message of the gospel.  They are not there to overwhelm, but to bring His perfection in me and to foster dependence.

So in my needy dependence, in my increased awareness of God, I translate this into a call to be even stronger and more courageous as I acknowledge that God is my battle cry. Sometimes I will be silent, sometimes I will blow my horn loud. My important “to-do” is my dependence on Him.

Wisdom tells me I to stay still in His lap.

Wisdom prompts my awareness of my need.

Wisdom tells me that my God never fails.

In my alone-ness, in my darkness, in my pity–parties, in my joy times, God’s presence promises His companionship, strength and courage. His completeness brings rest to my mind, my heart, my soul. And when I make my lists I know I possess the strength of His Spirit. My “nexts” are complete as long as I rely on my God.

I can relax, rest, and recover.

Each of our journeys looks different. Is yours wearing you out?  Are you worn to a frazzle?  God knows this and asks us to rest, rest in Him, and that’s awesome! 

“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 (My new favorite verse!)

Resting in Him is a daunting task. What is God asking of you this year or today?