Friday, April 4, 2014

Desperately gaining more


"Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions.  Don't worry about missing out.  You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met."  Matthew 6:33. (MSG)

I was wiping the shiny kitchen counter in front of me and thinking about this verse.  God keeps smiling back often with it.  Maybe because I have been doing a bit of my own searching inside, where the quiet work is done.  My mind wandered back to the C.S. Lewis tweet from earlier that morning...and then God connected some of my quiet thoughts.

The quote from earlier that day was:  "Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different.”   There are so many days when I wish I could lean over our latte-laden table and tell you there has been a big awakening in my soul.

I wish I could tell you that a single prayer of desperation from last year started all of this.  But I'm not sure if it originated there or not.  Could those pair of lost eyes living in the slums in India, urgently haunt me still...today?  

Honestly that's not when I started praying for Jesus to be enough.  

While in India in Feb. 2013, I witnessed desperation, those desperate for God.  They weren't in despair but doing what they could to find God in the middle of their overcrowded religions.  They were seeking God in the most desperate of ways in the middle of their depravity, believing Jesus was the answer to everything. 

When we seek God to be our answer to everything, he becomes our answer to all things.

"God I want to know desperation."  It was my audacious prayer traveling back when I was sandwiched between the loud-talking Finns and the other lady traveler who spoke across me.  

Desperation.  My prayer language was changing, and so was my desire to know more of God's Kingdom.  It might have all started there, this restless season of my spiritual springing.  

It's my looking back there that I've seen how I've grown.  When you look at your past prayers God shows you where you have been.  God has brought restoration in some areas but ripped the scab off of many others.  But mostly He has brought me to deeper level of prayer language.  

I might sound a little desperate.  In my prayers, that's a Good-God initiative.

He met me in my seeking as I have sought Him first.  God cares much more about your character rather than how much you feel faith-comfortable in seeking Him.  In consistently seeking a desperate heart, God is opportunely preparing my heart to be reckless.  God is bringing freedom and abandonment in many areas right now.

You may think I'm giving up a lot, I'm desperately gaining so much more.

I'm budding by leaps and bounds by creating margin for God to bring deeper growth.  Oh how I love the spring of the Spirit.  The changes are telling as my Author is still writing my language story.  It feels like we've only just begun.

I am desperate for more springs.  More roots deep.  God not only shakes our worlds but He desperately awakens our souls. 


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