Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Maybe...In My Dreams

Speak Your Dreams
I haven't ever spoken my dreams....to you.

I don't even know if I am brave enough to speak about them today. This is an area where I need God to work in me.

Maybe you have never thought about this.

Honestly, I'm afraid to have any out loud conversations about them.

I was talking to my friend and I asked myself the hard question.

Why don't we talk about our dreams?

My answer scared me a little. I'm afraid to speak my dreams.

I'm afraid that my dreams are just that...my dreams. Not God's.

I'm afraid that my dreams are buried way too deep. Planted in my self-esteem.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that my heart is maybe broken over them.

I'm afraid when my heart breaks so easily.

I'm afraid that God won't grow these dreams in me. I'm afraid.

I'm afraid to trust God for them. 

We live in a "take action" world.  If I don't make my dreams happen, who will?

I'm afraid to speak my inmost desires. I am afraid to dream.

I'm afraid to speak my dreams to you. To God.

How ridiculous is this?

I'm afraid that if my dreams don't match up to God's then they won't come true.  Are my dreams even godly ideas to think about?

God...are my dreams your dreams?

Where did my dreams come from? Certainly not from my father...we have never spoken our dreams to each other. Not from my mom, we never met about those either.

So God...when were these straight-up-crazy dreams born?

Why am I talking about dreams so much? Because...as believers we don't speak them often enough. Maybe it's considered false hope. Maybe I am wishfully thinking about my dreams. Maybe when I tell you that one of my dreams is to write a book. I am afraid that you will laugh at me. Maybe when I spoke my dream once...you walked away, shaking your head, and thought...."that will never happen".

Maybe I don't believe in my ability to write my thoughts.

Maybe I might have some lofty dreams about glossy covers. Maybe this isn't God's dream for me.

Maybe I don't trust God with my dreams.

So let's turn the page...The failure of speaking my dreams ends here.

Can I trust you? Will you encourage me to continue seeking my dream? Are you strong enough to hold me accountable? God, can I trust you with my secrets? My dreams?

This is an area in my faith journey where I have to be transparent with you.
It kind of hurts to say it...but....I don't really trust myself to make things happen.

I can't see the last page. I can't see the results. That's where God comes in. If I say I trust God then I also have to trust God for everything. Even the results. Even when I don't know the end of all the stories. Even when I'm still caught up in the middle of my mess. Even when I can't write my dreams clearly. Even when I can't put two words together to make a sentence. I have to trust God who holds all the words that will ever be written.  I can't go wrong with trusting God with my dreams.

Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Yes, God I can trust you with my dreams.

Do you have dreams? Do you trust God with them?
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