"Why do I hurt?"

Photo credit:  Cindee Snider Re

Philippians 3:13-14  "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

"Why do I hurt?"

Who hasn't asked that question?  Imagine hearing this on a daily basis?  A nurse or a doctor would have to condition their heart to hear that from many different sources of pain from so many different medical circumstances they often deal with.

Dealing with hurt is just what they do.  It's their calling, yes, it's where their emotions must travel daily on a case by case need.

Dealing with hurt is just what we do.  But why does God allow pain, hurts, heartaches?

I don't know the answer to that except to tell you that in the pain, hurts, and heartaches God teaches us things that wouldn't be learned otherwise.

At least that is my take on this.  Paul's perspective was the same.  According to the book of Philippians he talked about pain, hurts and weaknesses a lot.

Philippians includes Paul's thoughts and responses to these topics:
...advancing the gospel
...imitating Christ's humility
...no confidence in the flesh
...pressing on towards the goal
...encouragements from the field

He prayed for his "thorn" or weakness to be removed several times, but still in those hard times, those dark days loaded with pain, hurts and heartaches, for his own good, God didn't remove it.

So it goes with us.  God allows pain, hurt, and heartache to be a part of our days on earth to show more of His heart.  It's in those times that we need Him most that He shows us that He is enough.

And yet discovering this truth....we continue to ask..."why?"  Why us, why them, why my spouse, why my child?

Why?

Danielle asked God the same why question day after day.  Her little children, HIV positive, have to take medicine as part of their daily routine.  Several of them are very young and as they swallow their daily medications they have also swallowed the pain that has gotten them to this place in their lives.  Their reality is that they were forgotten, outcast and there was no one to care for them.   At young ages, they have so many questions that can't be answered. Then God brought them Danielle, who is the mother for the Children's Cup I Am Not Forgotten Home for Orphans in Swaziland, Africa.

She dared to ask God why her?  Why them?  Why?

God gave Danielle the reason she needed to give His hope to carry on.

How reassuring for this young mom, who is HIV positive herself, to catch hold of God's vision of being the adoptive mother for 10 young children who have been orphaned and forgotten by their own biological parents.  Can you imagine how many "why God" questions she herself must have, plus the "why" questions that her now dependent children must have?

Think about the thoughts that must float through a forgotten child's heart.  Now think about it in the silence of life, how those unloving thoughts must have started many sore places, a past they are trying to forget.  There has to be some emotional scars that remain.

Why God would allow a child to feel such emotional pain and hardship at such young ages?  Where is God in the middle of their forgotten and hurt-filled lives?

God gives Danielle a purpose, and a hope and a love of that only our Savior can give.  God hasn't forgotten her nor these hurting children with a pain-filled past.  The day Jesus shows her the purpose in dealing with their pain, she is very reassured in her "why God" questions.

"I am their Moses", was what God spoke to her heart.  Understanding the purpose of pain and heartache somehow helps us deal with the daily suffering that He has called us to.

It helps.  It helps Danielle and gives her the real hope to carry on day after day.  And since that day, she told me that knowing that she is leading them to Jesus is what her role is.  In a very seemingly forgotten generation, she places love and hope right in the middle of their pain.  

She is advancing the gospel
...imitating Christ's humility
...with no confidence in the flesh
...pressing on towards the goal
...giving encouragements from the field

With the help of Children's Cup, Danielle is loving and leading, she is caring, she is overcoming, she is needing God in her own weakness, she is learning Christ in her suffering, leaning on Christ in those why questions loaded with hurt and pain, plus making a difference in young lives in the middle of their suffering.  Jesus is enough to all the whys.

Jesus is enough in our pain.

For them, for us, and for today, the "why do I hurt?" questions can rest.  Jesus is enough for our pain and we wouldn't know that part of Christ until we experienced the sufferings of today and let Him show us that He is.

To know more about helping the hurting hearts and the work of Children's Cup, please click here. 

No Separation Anxiety

Are there days when you feel as if your head is spinning with all the distractions calling for your attention?  Wait don't answer that....I already know your answer.  

Yes, I have those times. It's the consequences of living in the midst of all this web-driven commotion.  There's an art to being still before God, to quiet myself enough to enjoy the presence of God. I want to talk with Him and hear what He wants to tell me.  

I am so desperate to hear from God in many areas. 

One challenge for me is the "multiple hats" syndrome. I'm a mom, a mentor, wife, missionary, writer, employee, volunteer, confidant and friend.  So many things to do . . . and so little time to do it all.  As one whose work requires many hours each day at a computer and on the Internet, I find myself in the midst of this neurological challenge. Yet, the desire of my heart is to be so attuned with my Father that I hear Him when He wants to teach me,  reveal to me, comfort me or guide me.  

I don't believe the answers are easy.  

If I don't attend to the desire in my heart to spend time with God . . . God will get squeezed out and my life will remain wanting. He'll be there waiting . . . but I won't be there with Him to receive.

More than ever before - in the random noise of this time - daily quiet time with God is essential for my life of faith; a time when we can step out of "the world" and into the peace of God. Paul writes describes himself as a "bondservant" of Jesus Christ, called to the devotion that He wrote about.  Separated from the world around him, devoted to Christ.  Separated to the gospel, separated for the gospel of God.

Paul devoted his life to solitude with Christ.  Romans 1:1

Clearly, we need to be separated from the world in some ways, so we can live the life He wants for us and so He can show Himself to us and through us. So as we find our way on the super-highway of technology, little changes and little steps can make a big difference. Not watching so much television, setting up a daily time in the Word and for prayer, simplifying our lives and just not doing "so much." 

Solitude....Separates.

We can carve out that sacred separated time and meet with the One who loves, cares, creates, and (get this mind-blowing fact).... craves our time with Him.

It's worth the risk of separation from this world to invite Him into mine.

Paging Dr. House

Our garage is still broken from a weird random severe thunderstorm that occurred about a year ago.  You may wonder why it hasn't been fixed yet?  I honestly don't have a good answer to that question.  There have been a lot of discussions and chins rubbed regarding it.  The fix seem complicated.

When I look at the rubble in my garage I get worn out.  It doesn't motivate me to action.  I'm also amazed that my clean house disintegrates so quickly in a couple of days time.  I get so tired of fixing that. 


There are other things that remind me that I can't fix anything, like my husband who has survived cancer but still lives with chronic pain.  Those whom I love that still need Jesus in their life, or the family that has been hit with leukemia.  And then there is  a couple whose marriage was broken by an extra-marital affair.  Right now I have 3 lawn mowers at my house that need repaired.  There are some days I don't know where the fixing should start.  I think about all the unfix-able things and I get overwhelmed.  This week, one dark morning as I was leaving for work, and God encouraged me with this, "Not everything needs fixed, not everything will be fixed, and remember you are not the fixer." 


What I think needs a handyman's touch is not what really needs fixing right now.  Where I think a broom could quickly sweep away some dirt may not be my bigger need.  I will always see the obvious piles or messes and I will never enjoy being squeezed by my whatever-happens-circumstances.    


I believe God puts us in the middle of the life's rubble so that He can show us that He is our only Fix.  He purposely plunks us in the middle these-finely organized-messes, so that His glory can be revealed in the rescue.  A friend was sharing part of his recent trip to Uganda.  He told me a story that had me in tears as it melted my heart.  A baby had been left for dead.  The situation was grim, but in the dark of night the baby was found barely alive and God saved the little life with the a simple bark of a dog.  Only He could have provided a way out of the dire situation.  


I have a missionary friend that entered the hospital with a busted appendix, and has run the gambit of medical issues, so many, that he could have been on lasts week's episode of House.  And as we are still begging God for healing, I see this too as an opportunity for God's glory to be revealed.  God likes to work when nothing else will and most times we have to get to the end of ourselves before He swoops in to fix.  Sometimes, though, things are beyond repair before He provides His remedy.


The bottom line for me is this...in my messes....He is teaching me to live above my circumstances.  This is a lesson that Paul seemed to have down quite nicely.  Philippians records over and over that our response to "whatever happens" is that we must rejoice.  Humanly that's hard to do when your family has been slapped with crisis.  


God has a remedy for you, for your messes, for your piles of dirt you want to sweep under the rug, for your brokenness, for your spiritual chaos that rages within.  God can still fix your problems...God can.  He is the Master who deals with disasters that hit us in our houses, in hospitals and in those hostile marital situations.  He wants to teach us more than the truth that He can fix.  He wants us to fix our eyes on Him....trust....and let Him be God in the fixing.  

Whatever happens....please fix us God.
Whatever happens...God teach us to rejoice!  

Stay The Course

Just when you want to throw in the towel, there comes a word that makes you pause...again. I have been spending a lot of time thinking about a project. That's good and bad. It's good, because it is something I enjoy. It's a big undertaking on my horizon and it's time to put some muscle to the mission. It's challenging.  With each look back, I had to excavate some buried feelings that aren't so pretty. And in doing so has caused me to take a long excruciatingly hard look at myself. I am the world's best at beating myself up. I'm working on getting past my past.  There has been a lot of progress. So needless to say, it's been tough as I track down the topics of interest and streamline my thoughts. I need to press forward. Just when I think it's just too much and  I can't put two more words together to make a sentence,  I get a text that says..."Stay the course."  It reminds me of the apostle Paul.  He was a writer too. And when he wrote he wrote usually from some of the most grim circumstances. I imagine he had those days when he was befuddled. Paul didn't go it alone either. He had some inner circle friends that attended to his needs. Young Timothy and Epaphroditus helped in support of his commitment to the gospel.  They were all united in the gospel but also they helped Paul in the tough times.  With Tim and Epap's encouragement, they gave aid to Paul and helped him stay the course. They gave him a faith boost. This kind of support melts the heart, because those that give it understand the mission and the intended goal.  This kind of support gives hope to carry on.  They project a view of your potential, it re-calibrates, motivates and helps you....stay the course. The support of a person's dream makes all the difference. In the uneasy places, just a kind word of support keeps dreams alive.  God's calling on my project can't be forgotten. It's a feeling that won't evaporate. His passions have grown deeper till I can't shake them.  This dream can also take it's toll and wear me out. There are some days I feel like I got hit by a train, then a bus, and then hung upside down over ant-hill. This process can be emotionally wrenching and physically draining.  There are many naked pages of hurt that still need to be recorded. I can't give up.  You can’t give up. You must never give up on your dreams, your goals, and your passions. On days when you feel like you don't know what you are doing, stay the course.  Focused intentions help patch you through the rough spots.  I'm not going to quit before I get there. And neither can you. Whatever it is that God has laid on your hope-filled heart, stick with it, don't give up. Don't give in. Stay the course.