Needless to say, I don't linger in front of mirrors these days because I don't like my reflection. Honestly I want these numbers to remain hidden. This expansion will remain private as well as the read out from my scale. I have a problem telling you these things because I am ashamed.
I see these tools of the weight loss industry as my enemy as they judge me. The last time I checked they were doing a fine job of tormenting me with their accuracy. Every time we have in encounter, they make sure that discouragement is offered first. I told you this was painful. What I hate worse is the message that these two thieves give in the self-worth department.
In the past I have let my measurements both around and in pounds define who I am. In my past, I have fallen into the trap of letting the scale label my weigh day and my opinion of myself. My self-esteem rose and fell with the numbers. This false message was one that I had built from a young age. When I was asked what I wanted for Christmas, I remember circling the "special" clothes in the Sears catalog. I could only pick from the "Chubbies" sizes.
One day God convicted me of worshiping the scale and looking to it for my value. That was a hard truth to swallow. Ouch. But with that revelation, came His release for my perspective towards the tools that He has equipped me with. Now I can use them as just that, as tools to mark success. Albeit small at times, I know there will be success.
Now before you think I am going to beat myself up again in this post, please don't worry. I am doing much better in this phase of the melting than I did the first time. I still have regret, but I have the knowledge that this time around my middle that I am putting less emphasis on man's measurements and everything on God's measure of me.
Ps. 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
When I put myself down, I am putting down God's wonderful works. God has made all things beautiful, including me. This includes you too. Thanks to everyone who has encouraged me in this take-2-journey. I am on my way back. Glad you are along.
Do you have a love or hate relationship with the scale?