Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I Said Goodbye.. Hello Voltron Force

Hello Voltron Force

Three months ago I said goodbye.  I kicked some casual acquaintances to the curb and I said hello to some real friendships.  I had just met them ten days before.  Some I had served with some before and others not but in those ten days, they became very important to me.  We traveled to some rough places where some important lessons were learned.  We got our hands dirty and our laps lovingly filled with children in the middle of some deep Jesus stuff.  It's amazing how God brings strangers together and makes something beautiful in just ten days.  He gathers like-minded hearts so quickly and knits them tightly with faith connections that mesh perfectly and completely.  

I love being a part of His love-based big picturesque plan, something bigger than myself.  I consider missions something holy. I am blessed that God gives me opportunities to be His hands and feet.  You know he doesn't have to involve us, but yet He invites me to be a part, even knowing that I am going to botch something.  He still draws and allows us to be a part of something that He ordains.  

In that span of ten days...God took a broken vessel and broke it even more.  He can increase capacities to love more, to break more, to give more, and to forgive more.  In my brokenness God still weaves a beautiful tapestry for His glory.   

I went to Africa for ten days last fall.  My confession is this...I am still wrecked from those ten days….wrecked in a good way though. God did a mighty work on the foreign soil of my heart.  And His change is still evolving.  There is a great awakening in my soul of emotions that just won't be quiet.  So instead of quickly sweeping those feelings under compassion’s rug of grace, I am completely engulfed and bringing them to the surface.  Sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's joyful.

I’m still a messy canvas that God is perfecting.  I have teary outbursts for reasons only known to God from a glimpse of those ten days.  My heart is moved to action from just a text.  My emotions are engaged with a conversation that brims with hope. My faith is being rearranged to more conform to the likeness of Jesus. There are still a lot of awkward places still, some hills and valleys of the uncomfortable.

I didn't expect change, nor thought I needed it.  Some of what I suffer is separation anxiety…like a two year old.  Not with the problems encountered but with the hearts that collided while there. There are some that I just wish I could be closer in proximity to.  

God's missions’ initiative captivates.  It's always on my mind and heart.  It was safe there in the middle of chaos, pain, and turmoil. It was a haven of acceptance and security.  I was under the waterfall of grace to be who God had created me to be and exhibit the gifts that he has blessed me with. Those ten days were some of the most bold of days of my life.  I've found great comfort, and learned more about trust.  I still carry those things closely.     

So call me a wreck, I consider that a good thing. I would rather be a bulging bag of tears with my rearranged heart and have a greater capacity to love, and to be loved, than who I was before those ten days.  I'm looking forward to the next, because there will be one.  I'm positive that everything God has taught me about grace, love, and serving can go with me here and there as I learn to be His.

In ten days a miracle happened... a wrecking ball destructed some walls of protection.  This transformation is one of slowness...as I still unpack His treasures.  His love compels me to go.  I want stay close to this change on the inside.

Have you been on a mission trip?  How did God change you?
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