Help me find it

My co-host, Carder, told me last week  that his mom's quote for his growing up years was "you never know".  I have let that settled a bit in my mind, wondering that phrase.  It speaks to the unknown, the "you-never-know-what's-going-to-happen-next" future.

Honestly that is what has really been on my mind...the future, the today hours that yesterday brought and tomorrow will bring.  One of my fervent prayers is "God, what are you up to?"  At least I know the direction to look.

There have been a lot of things that have become undone in my heart in the last month.  This processing is a good thing, because this is where my healing begins.  I have kind of stopped in my planning of things, filling in the blank spots, and trying to assume I know what God is up too in my life.  If I may be completely honest with you, I have pretty much have laid this "future + my heart" thing on God's altar and asked Him to change me. Completely.  From the inside out from my desperate prayers.

You'll never know of some of the changes that God has done, they are so personal to me but eventually...maybe I can write about them.  They go that deep.  And for the first time, I understand that I don't have to share everything here, because there are some private moments between me and God that I can store up as treasures.  This is how I am finding my writing voice.

What I do hope is that you read is a new confidence, not in my own strength but with Holy confidence in the One I am writing about.

This is not about me, it's about God's journey in me.

This is where I have had to let go of the control of what God can do with a few typed words on a white screen.  Letting go is at the basis of "you never know" when it comes to a lot of things in our daily walk with God.  The important thing to remember is to not let go of His guiding hand and the Heaven-ward faith journey towards God.  When I try to control things, I have my hands on the controlling and make no room for God.  So when I think about the "you never know" aspect, I know I have to let go of control and the unknown. There is a something about that idea, well...it just keeps me undone before God constantly.  

Dave of Sidewalk Prophets writes some words that are still echoing in my heart in this song,

"Help Me Find it"

I don't know where to go from here 

It all used to seem so clear 

I'm finding I can't do this on my own 

I don't know where to go from here 

As long as I know that You are near 

I'm done fighting 

I'm finally letting go 

I will trust in You 

You've never failed before 

I will trust in You 

(Chorus )

If there's a road I should walk 

Help me find it 

If I need to be still 

Give me peace for the moment 

Whatever Your will 

Whatever Your will 

Can You help me find it 

I'm giving You fear and You give faith 

I giving You doubt

You give me grace 

For every step I've never been alone 

Even when it hurts, You'll have Your way 

Even in the valley I will say 

With every breath 

You've never let me go 

I will wait for You 

You've never failed before 

I will wait for You 

I lift my empty hands (come fill me up again) 

Have Your way my King (I give my all to You) 

I lift my eyes again (Was blind but now I see) 

‘Cause You are all I need

Where God is taking me is a new level of trust in writing where "I'll never know".  And that's the God part in all of this confession.  I do know that I just need to continue to write about God's journey in me.  

...because "you never know" what God can do when you honor Him with actions from a fully devoted heart on an one woman's faith journey.

What is God asking you to let go of?