The Blame Game - How do you play?

I'm a star player in the biggest blame game known to man.  I seem to get into trouble a lot... or at least it feels like I do.  

Saying I am wrong is not hard for me, in fact I say it too much.  But can I just be honest with you?  Um....wait....I don't know if I can...you might think my heart is puffed up, and my head is even a bigger puffed up.  

Please know this, that I say and do plenty of wrongs, many, many times myself.  This is something that I pray through constantly.  When it comes to seeing my flaws, I see those oh so readily.  When it comes to playing the blame game I am the first one to pick myself and to volunteer for the blame game duty.  And I am insecure and fearful that I am blamed for a lot that I don't even know about.  I am not sure when I signed up for this blame-game-that-kicks-me-in-the-pants-every-day-gig, but I have been in this competition for a long time.  

Wouldn't it be more fun to talk about what I found on sale at the Dollar General store yesterday?  Um....for me it would.

Taking the dangerous path of the blame game can only lead to conflict.  With others and within yourself.  So I have two choices:  

I can take the path of prideful heart and focus plainly and specifically on the faults of others and refuse to have any responsibility in the conflict at all.

Or....

I can take the way of the humble heart and admit that I am wrong when I am wrong.  And not compound my issue of assuming the guilt of others. Believe me I have enough faults of my own, I don't need to carry yours as well.

Yesterday freedom came in this verse.  

Romans 8:1  "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  

If Jesus doesn't blame me for my faults, then why do I condemn me for my faults?  God knows I am a sinful person, that's why He sent Jesus.  So why do I blame myself, or blame others?  Because.... I say to myself..."someone has to take the hit."  God's response was...  "Someone has already taken the hit..."

What I learned in this verse was that I should not be a gamer in any blame.  I can't assign blame.  That's not my job, my job is to love God, act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with Him (Micah 6:8).  If I am loving God first and foremost, then I can bow out of the line of fire when fingers are pointed at myself nor point fingers at others....because God doesn't casts blame.  He doesn't see that in me, he sees me through the filter of blood with Christ's sacrifice on the cross.  Listen....He doesn't cast blame on you either.

Sure,  I can own up to my responsibility in causing a conflict or issue if my behavior has caused it.  Do you see the freedom in God's grace?  With the understanding of this verse and when I'm not a player the blame game, I am giving myself and others a gift.  I am releasing the burden of judgment of the situation/issue/problem to where it belongs...to God...who doesn't casts blame.

So how will I do this?  I will practice this prayer...

"God, your Word says that you do not find condemnation in my sin.  Your Love took that away on the cross.  The work of Jesus was good and final.  So there is no part in me blaming myself or me blaming others that has a part in honoring You.  Show me what to do, with the frustrations that I feel when  something goes wrong.  God please soften my heart so that I can feel your resolutions to anger, frustrations, insecurities and pride.  Help me to cut through the assumptions and wrong thinking that tend to shut me down and apologize excessively.  Help me to honor you in all my actions, words and deeds."

How do you handle blame?

Goodbyes and Hellos

Saying goodbye is hard.

Saying goodbye and offering hello can create awkward circumstances. Even though I am one who can talk to complete strangers, it's still hard, good and awkward.

I have the gift of gab. 

I have a hard time saying goodbye. My reasons are that I might enjoy your company, or there are those times when I don't like being alone. And while I say that, I know there are times that I need to be alone.  My ever wandering mind keeps me company most conversations.

If you are wondering if I am one who stands out on my porch and to watch you drive off...yes, I am one of those who linger. I want to remember the good times we have had. I want to stay in those shared moments. I don't want to let go of what you mean to me.

Sometimes I want to look at the past...back in time. I wish time would freeze or stand still. "Oh...remember that time...." yes, those loving memories bind our hearts. When it's a faith building transition, and there is struggle involved, that makes our bond strong. That's when it is especially hard to let go.

I am in a season of goodbyes and hellos.

God wants us to say "goodbye" to some habits, some ideals, some of who the world says we are supposed to be, leftover parts of our hearts. I have to be honest with you...its uncomfortable here in these newly decorated hallways. He's caught me standing still and frozen in time. I was fast becoming a pillar of salt as my neck was straining on past memories. There are seasons in our life in which we have to say goodbye before God can give you a new hello, a new beginning.

I believe the root of the reason of hard goodbyes is a matter of trust. We like to trust our feelings. We like to trust our past to take care of our future, we like to trust in people more than God, and we like to trust in ourselves more than Him. When we transition from goodbyes to hellos, we have to keep our focus on God. This game called life is more about Him than we can really understand, it's certainly not about us. 

Transitions towards His tender heart are my ultimate desire.

If we are hanging onto toxic emotions and habits, then we have no room for change, no room for new beginnings, and no room for God to greet us with His "hello". For God to work, we have to allow Him to give and to take away.

So what do you need to say goodbye to? Is it a misplaced trust? A love replaced? Is it your pride? Toxic emotions you need to expell?

For God to do the work in us, we must be willing to wave goodbye. As our hands are open wide, then and only then, will He do his hello work. We can't receive what He has for us as long as we are clutching to the old, the tired or familiar patterns. We can build on our faith memories and recall His strength to say hello to the new things He has called us to.

Saying goodbye isn't always bad, it can be better. Hello to new beginnings. Say welcome to a new wing of your heart with doors open wide. 

God seasons us as we go through seasons we grow to.

Why I Don't Watch Extreme Home Makeover

A sport I'll never compete 

It's the right mix of emotions, sawdust, sweat plus a heart-string story that makes Extreme Home Makeover, the TV show, a success.  Not to mention that well-deserving family gets a home totally paid for with a million dollar price tag.  It really is a show of community, support and healing.  I don't have a problem with that.  


But I don't watch that show.


Extreme Home Makeover certainly has helped a lot of communities and has given many families a brighter future by making major home improvements.  They have the reputation of being honest with their intentions and doing a ton of good things.  Every week, they also highlight wonderful companies that have exhibited over-the-top generosity.


Each episode is packed with many moving moments and plenty of tears. It's not that I am against home improvements, because I am not.  I am all about making home spaces appropriate and adequate.  


But I can't watch....because...It breeds discontentment in my heart.  


When I see each episode, I forget how blessed I am.  I have the natural urge to compete, I want to line my house up next to the guy next door.   And then, in true competition (it's sad but true)....I want you to chose my house over the other guy's....from what you see from the driveway.  The discontentment fever doesn't stop at the front door, it spreads to every other area of my life.  


I soon find myself wanting to....

Run like Forest Gump. 
Be skinny like Jillian Michaels.
Be published with a book series with a sequel already written.
Placing a stick of dynamite in my blog stats and be read around the globe. 
Be better than my neighbor at anything or something. 


I have remember that God hates my comparison sheet. This competitive sport of comparison are deadly. Comparison brings disgust in His heart.   


2 Corinthians 10:12 says, "We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise." 


It's not a good practice to measure myself by the standards of man. Eventually there is always someone who is prettier, skinnier, smarter, faster, more connected, blogs faster and better plus has more readers or is just all around better than me. It makes me prideful, resentful and ungrateful.   


  "We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but not really. They are proud of being richer, or more clever, or better-looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking, there would be nothing to be proud about." ~ C.S. Lewis.

Knowing who are in Christ is also knowing who you don't have to be.

My danger in the sin of comparison is that I find myself looking to other people for my value and determining my value by how I compare myself with other people. It's fine for bargains, cars, and shoes… but not for people, not for things that matter, not for matters of faith. When I compare, I focus on the "i". The list lengthens of who gets what.  The best car, the higher paying job, designer trinkets, or even the most talented, the bigger blog, or even who has the latest iBook, iMac, iPhone or iPad, or anything in the land of shiny things.  

The measure of men doesn't satisfy. 

Only God's opinion matters..
and He thinks I'm pretty special just like I am..


"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. " Philippians 4:11-12.

Do you compare yourself to others?

Five Minute Friday - Normal

What is normal?  What does normal mean to you?  And why am I even asking this question?  I ponder.  Did you know that on this blogger template there is a normal font and a normal size of print?  Normal is used a lot in our language.  


Normal means the same, common, usual, average, customary, habitual, ordinary, regular, run-of-the-mill, and typical.  Normal is what we crave when things go awry.  Normal invades our daily habits.  Normal equates our activities to an apathetic level.


A normal day brings sameness and regularity.  Normal brings consistent patterns of behavior that can run you into a rut.  We can aimlessly go through a normal life.  We tend to caught up in our own little worlds, traveling in our own little circles, then all of a sudden...out of nowhere...life happens in the middle of our normal.


We get slapped with cancer, money issues, surgery, hate, the Spirit, kindness, injury, death, loss of job, pride, etc.  The list of bad things can go on and on.  So could the list of good things.  My point is when there is a shift in either direction, we want our lives to return to the same, the normal.    


After thinking about this, what I crave is something completely atypical.  That's the "normal" that I want.  I have convinced that I will always have the not-normal.  That means I will have problems but it also means that I will have many opportunities for God to work in and through my life.

Normal means that I am just drifting through this life unchanged.

Normal controls so that we stay within the limitations of our own strength.  We choose life events so that things will go according to our wills.  We defy God's directions to experience Him.  Normal is safe.     


With my recent inconsistency in normal, I have realized that I don't really want what I thought was normal.  I don't want calm waters, I don't need God there.  But in the not-normal, it forces me to be dependent on God, which is where I want to be.  I can be consistent in God's path to peace, which requires my total dependence on His strength.  

I am good with being a not-normal-changed-follower of Christ.  

Are you content with your normal?