Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Scale Back

I have a confession to make.  I am in an unhealthy relationship.  It is really more like an obsession.  And the worst part is that I know better.   

My enemy?  The scale.  I know that I shouldn't weigh myself more that once a week, but once again the numbers became all too important to me.  I don't know what happened or how I got here.  I don't know how I got to weighing myself everyday.

It's not like I woke up one day and thought, oh i wonder what I weigh now? it was just like that....everyday.  I allowed the importance of accountability to influence my thinking...and craved the visual evidence that all my hard work in making healthy choices and exercises was paying off.  I always want to see the numbers fall, I always need that physical validation.

As I daily checked in to see my progress, there was none.  Stuck in the middle of this plateau, the numbers were not budging.  For me when I don't see success it wreaks havoc with my self-esteem.  With the constant romance of this looming and judgemental inanimate object in my bathroom, it's allure was sucking me in.  I was believing the lies that I am not worthy unless I made it behave, unless I behaved.   It's loud megaphone was chanting my name and was heard long into the night, wedging it's way back into my list of bad habits.

Faced with this failure, I did the only sensible thing I could think of.  I made a bold move.  I removed it.  I took it out of my house and gave it to a friend for safe-keeping.   No more dancing with the dangerous.... I wasn't strong enough to resist it's tempting seduction.  My trusted friend has got that thing under lock and key for some 53+ days.  

In these 53 days, I will drop the notion that I am defined by this man-made display of make-or-break-your-day totals.  I will not cling to it for my security.  I will remain faithful in making common sense healthy food and exercises choices.  I will seek my value and self-worth in God and God alone.  

Psalm 139:14   I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Lie:  I need to reach the right number on the scale.  
Truth:  God longs for me to embrace the worth and value He’s given.   

Have you ever been caught in a situation when you know what you ought to do but then in your weakness you don't do it

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