The other day I had trouble finding the book of Lamentations. I woke up at my normal time and did my studies. But on this day, there was trouble brewing in my soul. I had just written three pages of confession in my spiral bound journal and ashamedly so…those words were not pretty. They spewed doubt, resentment, uncertainty, pity, unworthiness, misguided direction, uncomfortable dark thoughts. I have bad thought days.
I reached out to my mentor and she texted back "Lamentations 3:22- 24." I then proceeded to have an emotional meltdown as I frantically flipped through the thin pages to find truth. I couldn't find the verses. I had to resort to the Table of Contents. Honestly, I couldn't even see the page numbers because of the free flowing tears.
On page 698 in my Bible, my aching soul was calmed with this:
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail, they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
My heart had been wounded and I needed a touch from God. Usually when my faith guard is down, the quiet giant lies waiting to wage war within. I was engaged in a bout with doubt like I had never experienced. The results had left me sickened and stunned.
I tend to believe lies over truth.
I tend to hear the voice of the enemy over Righteousness.
I tend to cling to visual affirmations
I default to control and perfection.
I seek validation from peers.
On really bad days, sometimes you can't see God's words clearly. That's why I am thankful that I reached out to my early morning texting friend who knew just what to send. God moved circumstances to bring His truth to light and to bring transformation. God’s truth can turn your perspective around in a heartbeat. I know once again that am not alone as His flawed child determined to banish old habits. My journey is part of a holy refinement process that gives me the strength to move forward in hope knowing that God will be glorified. And I know where the book of Lamentations is now.
God didn't call us to discipleship alone, nor did He leave us out here in our desert moments to fix ourselves. What He does call us to is to be faithful as He is faithful. He wants us to receive His love, and not be consumed with the things of this world. He is not going to run out of compassion towards us. In fact He has a brand new fresh load of awesomeness ready for us each day. And every day as His Spirit is transforming ours, we need to be patient with Him to complete His great work in us. We need to wait on God in the same way He compassionately and faithfully waits on us to seek Him and allow Him to change us.
Yes, Lord...this is my portion. Transform me.
What's one habit you want God to change in you?