Reflections from one year ago, the day God gave me hope again....

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I walked in and immediately I noticed that she was glowing.  I was meeting my friend who had been my personal cheerleader my entire weight-loss journey for coffee.  When I saw her smile, hope grinned.  Her success at losing 15 pounds was more than obvious.  She was absolutely glowing with joy.  I wanted what she had.  I wanted hope.

She had gotten her vibrant health plan back under control and was eating right.  She spoke life into my hurting heart.  As she told me of her success, with each sip of coffee and with each tear dropped, I realized a hard truth that day.  I had to make some changes.  I was in a desperate and pivotal place, I had lost my will to try.... again.  

I felt hopeless.  

I wanted change,  I needed change, and I needed hope to carry on.  I was desperate for that hope that she had found.  In those hopeless moments, I realized I had to give up food....once again.  

That was the day that hope stuck hard in my throat.

For me losing weight has always been a spiritual battle.  In fact, my journey of losing 104 lbs several years ago was really just the start of my freedom from food.  And when I achieved my goal, I then lost sight of it, because I didn't know how to maintain the loss.  

It was a brand new day on Sept. 24, 2012 as I swallowed my pride, confessed my food addiction, and asked God for hope.  I woke up desperate and hungry, but I was willing to make some drastic changes to get some hope back.  I was hungry to get that hopeful gleam back into my eyes.  I wanted the hope to fill my smile and the glow from my hope-filled soul.

I took a step towards hope. 

Now 58 pounds lost and a year later, I have hope again.  I not only gained hope but I gained a better perspective of how to make healthy changes that make a difference.  I simply made one change at a time.  I considered the costs, I submitted my self-centered addiction-stacked desires and gave up foods I didn't need, to move forward toward my goal.  

In my loss I have gained hope.  Honestly it was always there, it was just sugar-coated,  soaked in coffee creamer, and smothered in salad dressing.  Who can see hope when it's buried under all those preserved calories?  

So do you need a little hope today?  If you looked at the scale this morning and didn't like what you saw, would you be brave enough to admit you have been a little hopeless in your resolve?  Can you give up just one thing today that will give you a hopeful tomorrow?  

I have forgotten what I wanted to eat so bad that caused my strong resolve to cave.   You can have the hope of being God's best too.  If you have 10 pounds or 210 pounds, whatever the amount, the change that God wants to do in you is knocking on the door of your heart.  And in exchange, God slips in some hope that will feed your soul in more ways than that chocolate chip cookie ever could.  So much more...

Do you need a little hope today?  Will you take a step towards hope?  YOU can do it just like I did.  All you  need to do is start...

I Need Grace

Confession..I have failed you.  I have failed myself.  I haven't wanted to write this to you.  I couldn't type the words.  By doing so I have to admit you that I am weak.  That I have failed, that I am not strong.  This is painful to admit.  I have a problem.  This is serious. 


I have succumbed to the allure of food...again.  That took a lot for me to tell you this.  In my effort to be honest with you, I have to type this.  


I never claimed to have all the answers, I never claimed to be perfect.  So please don't judge me.  I need help and I am desperate.  You maybe thinking that I am making a big deal out of nothing.  Maybe I am.  I have come to the end of my tolerance of how I feel, how I look, how I am.  Please know this, I didn't wake up yesterday and just chunk all my hard work to the corner, like I would a dirty pair of jeans.  This failure of mine has been in the works for a while.  I haven't exercised consistently.  I have allowed other things to get in the way, I have been stressed, I have tasted the tempting foods and thought I could handle myself around them.  Guess what??  I can't.  It's been too hot to exercise, that is reason enough and like you, I can easily talk myself out of it.  My bad choices have caused my own failure.  I have made mistakes.   


This is a mess of my own making.  I have let some old eating habits creep back in.  And because of my bad choices, I now suffer the consequences. I have to accept the responsibility.  I must change.  I am trusting you that you will offer me some grace and understanding.  This is where my healing begins.  


Okay...you know...now what?  I am getting past my past, my mess ups.  I have refocused on the goal, and I am being intentional about every last bite that I take.  I will make time for exercise, no matter how hot it is.  I will be intentional about saying "no" once again.  I am inspired by my friend Megan who just had a baby 3 months ago and wants to get her body back.  She has started running with a baby.  Who does that?   I can't even think about running, with a baby stroller or not.  I have a close friend who gives nothing but grace-filled encouragement to me.  I hope they hold me accountable for my failures.  I need them to be that for me.  


I know what to change.  I know what change can do.  It offers results.  I know what hard work can do.  It benefits in the positive.  I choose change, I choose grace.  I can and will change.  I will learn from my failures.  My epic fail will propel me forward.  I need God's grace.  I need His forgiveness, I need your forgiveness.


How have you bounced back from a failure?