Friday, July 1, 2011

I Need Grace

Confession..I have failed you.  I have failed myself.  I haven't wanted to write this to you.  I couldn't type the words.  By doing so I have to admit you that I am weak.  That I have failed, that I am not strong.  This is painful to admit.  I have a problem.  This is serious. 


I have succumbed to the allure of food...again.  That took a lot for me to tell you this.  In my effort to be honest with you, I have to type this.  


I never claimed to have all the answers, I never claimed to be perfect.  So please don't judge me.  I need help and I am desperate.  You maybe thinking that I am making a big deal out of nothing.  Maybe I am.  I have come to the end of my tolerance of how I feel, how I look, how I am.  Please know this, I didn't wake up yesterday and just chunk all my hard work to the corner, like I would a dirty pair of jeans.  This failure of mine has been in the works for a while.  I haven't exercised consistently.  I have allowed other things to get in the way, I have been stressed, I have tasted the tempting foods and thought I could handle myself around them.  Guess what??  I can't.  It's been too hot to exercise, that is reason enough and like you, I can easily talk myself out of it.  My bad choices have caused my own failure.  I have made mistakes.   


This is a mess of my own making.  I have let some old eating habits creep back in.  And because of my bad choices, I now suffer the consequences. I have to accept the responsibility.  I must change.  I am trusting you that you will offer me some grace and understanding.  This is where my healing begins.  


Okay...you know...now what?  I am getting past my past, my mess ups.  I have refocused on the goal, and I am being intentional about every last bite that I take.  I will make time for exercise, no matter how hot it is.  I will be intentional about saying "no" once again.  I am inspired by my friend Megan who just had a baby 3 months ago and wants to get her body back.  She has started running with a baby.  Who does that?   I can't even think about running, with a baby stroller or not.  I have a close friend who gives nothing but grace-filled encouragement to me.  I hope they hold me accountable for my failures.  I need them to be that for me.  


I know what to change.  I know what change can do.  It offers results.  I know what hard work can do.  It benefits in the positive.  I choose change, I choose grace.  I can and will change.  I will learn from my failures.  My epic fail will propel me forward.  I need God's grace.  I need His forgiveness, I need your forgiveness.


How have you bounced back from a failure?
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