Friday, July 1, 2011

I Need Grace

Confession..I have failed you.  I have failed myself.  I haven't wanted to write this to you.  I couldn't type the words.  By doing so I have to admit you that I am weak.  That I have failed, that I am not strong.  This is painful to admit.  I have a problem.  This is serious. 

I have succumbed to the allure of food...again.  That took a lot for me to tell you this.  In my effort to be honest with you, I have to type this.  

I never claimed to have all the answers, I never claimed to be perfect.  So please don't judge me.  I need help and I am desperate.  You maybe thinking that I am making a big deal out of nothing.  Maybe I am.  I have come to the end of my tolerance of how I feel, how I look, how I am.  Please know this, I didn't wake up yesterday and just chunk all my hard work to the corner, like I would a dirty pair of jeans.  This failure of mine has been in the works for a while.  I haven't exercised consistently.  I have allowed other things to get in the way, I have been stressed, I have tasted the tempting foods and thought I could handle myself around them.  Guess what??  I can't.  It's been too hot to exercise, that is reason enough and like you, I can easily talk myself out of it.  My bad choices have caused my own failure.  I have made mistakes.   

This is a mess of my own making.  I have let some old eating habits creep back in.  And because of my bad choices, I now suffer the consequences. I have to accept the responsibility.  I must change.  I am trusting you that you will offer me some grace and understanding.  This is where my healing begins. what?  I am getting past my past, my mess ups.  I have refocused on the goal, and I am being intentional about every last bite that I take.  I will make time for exercise, no matter how hot it is.  I will be intentional about saying "no" once again.  I am inspired by my friend Megan who just had a baby 3 months ago and wants to get her body back.  She has started running with a baby.  Who does that?   I can't even think about running, with a baby stroller or not.  I have a close friend who gives nothing but grace-filled encouragement to me.  I hope they hold me accountable for my failures.  I need them to be that for me.  

I know what to change.  I know what change can do.  It offers results.  I know what hard work can do.  It benefits in the positive.  I choose change, I choose grace.  I can and will change.  I will learn from my failures.  My epic fail will propel me forward.  I need God's grace.  I need His forgiveness, I need your forgiveness.

How have you bounced back from a failure?


Brenda Goetz Salladay said...

Oh do I ever understand your pain and broken resolve and we all need grace!!

Carol said...

God bless you for sharing your failure. I know how hard it is. I also know all about the struggle with weight. I tell myself all the excuses not to exercise. You need no forgiveness from me. You have abundant grace from God. Hang in there!

Jennifer Topale said...

God is using you in your failure to reach me in my failure. Thank you for your truthful words and for sharing your story with every post. It truly inspires me that its never too late for God's grace in all areas of my life, even over the food I eat. His grace not only forgives but also transforms us into new creations.

Anonymous said...

I come from a family of addicts. I know all to well what it's like to "fall down". I too am an addict but not to your typical drugs or alcohol like my family. Instead I became addicted to just being okay. I worked very hard on just accepting everything for what it was and not doing anything.

James 2:14-26 "Faith without deeds is dead" became my motto. I realized I couldn't just give everything to God and let things just happen.

I texted the House Party a few months back and shared something with you all and you texted me back and said you'd pray for me. It's my turn to return the favor. Thank you.

Becky said...

Thank you for sharing that Janelle. I am struggle with extra weight myself. But I am ever so thankful that I am a daughter of the King! I am treasure! I have been given grace! I have been forgiven! And I will never be left alone! We just need to trust in Him alone to sustain us, strengthen us and nudge us in the right food decisions.